IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

some people believe that the fittest and strongest individuals and team always succeed in sports .others think that success in sports depends on mental attitudes.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Sports have always been associated with the
strength
Use synonyms
 and physique of the individuals. Many people believe that only the strongest players are bound to succeed
whereas
Linking Words
 others trust that mental attitude plays a key role in their success. I,
however
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, am of the opinion that both of these aspects are crucial to a player's success.
To begin
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 with, it is definitely essential for a player to be physically strong for sports
such
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 as soccer, cricket, tennis and basketball. The individuals are expected to train very hard to meet the fitness criteria that a sport demands. Someone with a strong muscle power has a higher chance of being successful than the one who ends up out of breath after running just for a short
while
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. Athletes with high cardiovascular
strength
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 are selected to compete in the World Olympics and become famous.
However
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, not just physical power but its combination with correct mental techniques and strategies is what ensures the success of a sportsman or team.
For instance
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, Manchester United, the famous soccer team, has made its footprint in the history of games by showcasing the best merger of
strength
Use synonyms
 and mental strategies.
The athletes
Correct article usage
Athletes
show examples
 with mere physical aspects and no mental strategy or right attitude are like shooters with no aim;
hence
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 it would be fair to say that one ability complements the other.
To conclude
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, both bodily
as well as
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 mental
strength
Use synonyms
 play a critical role in making a sportsman successful in his career. One without the other can leave the player unworthy of his abilities.

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Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Phrases like 'To begin with,' and 'However,' start off well, but using varied expressions can make the essay flow even better.
Lexical Resource
Integrate a wider range of vocabulary to articulate your points more vividly. This will also showcase your language ability to the examiner.
Task Achievement
Consider including more detailed examples to support your argument. Specific instances or case studies add depth to your essay and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Double-check for minor grammatical errors to polish your essay. Although the impact on understanding is minimal, perfection in grammar can elevate your score.
Introduction & Conclusion
Successfully introduces and concludes the essay, providing a clear stance on the topic.
Task Response
Effectively discusses both views, providing a balanced perspective before stating your own opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with clear separation between paragraphs and consistent progression of ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • competitive edge
  • determination
  • focus
  • resilience
  • cooperation
  • strategic planning
  • physically demanding
  • performance
  • technological advancements
  • facilities
  • expert guidance
  • attributes
  • endurance
  • teamwork
  • communication
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