IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Topic: Many feel that going to the gym is the best way to stay fit. Others think that there are more effective methods. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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These days is common for people to stay fit by going to the gym, the stress and psychological
status
Use synonyms
 are important factors that intervene in
this
Linking Words
 decision.
While
Linking Words
 there is another part of society that thinks the opposite, considering that there are more ways to get healthy without attending any training centre. In the present essay, it will be depicted both views and, a final and personal opinion will be expressed. First and foremost, among young people, most consider it's important to maintain good
health
Use synonyms
 in order to have a well-known
status
Use synonyms
, achieve followers, be popular and, increase the likelihood of dating the best women or men
according to
Linking Words
 the beauty standards though.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey carried out by 'La W' to 200 youngsters concluded that 85% of them go to the gym just to upload reels on TikTok
whereas
Linking Words
 the 15% resting go to a training centre to stay fit.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it's true that people go to CrossFit places but not for
health
Use synonyms
 reasons.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, technology and social networks have provided some advice in order to stay fit and achieve good
health
Use synonyms
 condition. To take a sample, meditation procedures
such
Linking Words
 as yoga or reading motivational books have demonstrated an important reduction of high levels of depression, one of the most devastating illnesses.
Hence
Linking Words
, there are a myriad of activities that contribute to a good
status
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, both points of view have pros and cons, going to the gym is a very good option even when you are obese or have high levels of stress, but nowadays the majority only go for social
status
Use synonyms
 more than
health
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, my opinion is that I disagree with the aforementioned notion and I think there are other ways more effective like developing your own path in a specific sport or staying out of your comfort zone by doing activities you have never done before like going hiking, among others.

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Structure
Try to ensure your essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion to enhance readability.
Linking
To improve coherence, use a range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas, though remember to vary them to avoid repetition.
Balance
For a higher score, work on evenly discussing both views with a similar amount of detail and supporting arguments before presenting your own opinion.
Examples
Including more specific, relevant examples to support your points could strengthen your arguments and task achievement score.
Task Response
You successfully discussed both views and provided a clear personal opinion, demonstrating a good understanding of the task requirements.
Introduction & Conclusion
The essay introduction and conclusion were present and set the stage well for the discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured environment
  • access to equipment
  • professional guidance
  • social aspect
  • diverse range
  • cost-effective
  • fitness regimes
  • holistic
  • flexible timing
  • monotonous
  • intimidation
  • functional fitness
  • sustainable
  • integration
  • active hobbies
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