IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists and not local people. Why is this the case? What can be done to attract local people?

#museums #sites #tourists #people #case
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While
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 some
people
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 believe that there should be conventional
punishment
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 for all types of
crime
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, others disagree and state that the circumstances and motivations for committing the
crime
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 should be taken into consideration when deciding on the
punishment
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.
In some cases, the first approach may be good, as it reduces arguments about the harshness of the
punishment
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.
For example
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, perhaps we have a controversial situation where the criminal may be judged in hundreds of different ways, as the committed
crime
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 is controversial. At that point, with
such
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 a system, there would be consensus on the
punishment
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 among the
people
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, as it is fixed.
Moreover
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, the fixed
punishment
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 system would motivate
people
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 not to commit any type of
crime
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.
For instance
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, in the Greek democratic regime,
people
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 were punished in the same way no matter how bad the
crime
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 was.
On the other hand
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, others may disagree with
such
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 a system, as it may be considered unfair, and I agree with
this
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 statement because it would clearly not be fair to have the same
punishment
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 for a person who committed a robbery and a person who only thought of committing it.
While
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 both situations are immoral and require fast action, one is worse than the other, which means that the
punishment
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 level must be measured respectively.
Furthermore
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,
while
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 fixed punishments for all types of
crime
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 may make the decision-making process easier and faster, it lacks efficiency, as it is irrelevant in most cases. In conclusion,
while
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 some support the idea of fixed punishments, not everyone agrees with that.
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coherence cohesion
Enhance the introduction by clearly stating the main points you will discuss in the essay. This can help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points for a stronger task response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that ties back to the main thesis, which improves coherence.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, acknowledging both sides of the argument, which is excellent for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion on the issue without introducing new information, which supports coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay attempts to show a logical progression of ideas and maintains a consistent viewpoint throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • tourist attractions
  • interactive exhibits
  • perception
  • civic pride
  • engagement
  • community outreach
  • curate
  • cultural institutions
  • historical significance
  • sustainable tourism
  • resident benefits
  • local patronage
  • preserve
  • educational initiatives
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