Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?
Being a famous person,
for
example
a popular actor or a sports Add a comma
example,
star
, is problematic as well as
beneficial. This
essay believes that fame has more negative effects because it comes with the cost of being a burden to the star’s
family, and it can threaten the star’s
mental health
.
The first negative effect fame has on the star’s
life is the burden it puts on his family. That is
not only because of the paparazzi that keep chasing them everywhere they go and eventually putting them at physical risk, but also
because of the pink media which posts news about them that completely breach privacy and are often related to intimate relationships. For example
, it is very well known how much
detrimental the role of paparazzi and pink media was on Princess Diana’s sons and they report that those publications and breaking news scarred them for a lifetime just because they come from a famous family.
The second reason behind the negativity of being a Fix the agreement mistake
apply
star
is that it creates an unsafe environment that may endanger the star’s
mental health
. Being constantly under the spotlights
and lacking the minimum amount of privacy in the person’s life is documented to be detrimental to Fix the agreement mistake
spotlight
this
latter’s mental health
. For instance
, the famous movie star
Marilyn Monroe is known to have committed suicide because she could not cope with a life with no privacy at all, and the same applies to the famous Egyptian star
Souad Husni and many others.
In conclusion, in my opinion, the negative aspects of fame outweigh the positive ones especially because it puts a burden on the star’s
family and puts their mental health
in danger.Submitted by seanlin12345 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the sentences within those paragraphs are logically ordered and connected. Consider the use of discourse markers more effectively to improve the logical structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion which is commendable. However, make sure they present your thesis and summarize your arguments more clearly. They should distinctly encapsulate the essence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points you presented are relevant, but need further development and support. Try to include more detailed evidence and expand your explanation to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You addressed the task and presented relevant ideas, but your response needs to be more fully developed to reach a higher band score. Expand on your main points and deepen the analysis of how fame can be problematic.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear, strive for greater comprehensiveness. This entails elaborating on your points more thoroughly and showing how they connect to the overall argument you're making about the negative aspects of fame.
task achievement
The examples you provided are relevant and help illustrate your points, but including more specific and varied examples can add further weight to your argument and enrich your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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