IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is sometimes said that young people want too much freedom and pay too little attention to the advice of older people. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #freedom #attention #advice
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is quite an obvious discussion around the topic of younger generations.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that families can get advice to
teenagers
Use synonyms
 that can control all children, I would argue that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 would like to have more freedom and independence by themselves. I will explain my reasons in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
This
Linking Words
 is no doubt that young
people
Use synonyms
 may think that they are superior to the elderly as they have better education.
This
Linking Words
 is because older
people
Use synonyms
 do not have enough knowledge about the new technologies that we use for connection in
this
Linking Words
 day.
For example
Linking Words
, some older
people
Use synonyms
 can not use the internet to connect with gadgets, social
media
Use synonyms
 platforms and they can not teach and communicate with their younger ones in the same stories.
As a result
Linking Words
, younger
people
Use synonyms
 can not receive advice from older
people
Use synonyms
 when they would like to know about updated information and new technologies. It is worth pointing out that younger generations can learn new things from social
media
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is based on the fact that in
this
Linking Words
 day youngsters are influenced by phones and the internet which can allow them to learn new things and connect with
people
Use synonyms
 who are the same age as them.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Thailand the teenager can create groups on social
media
Use synonyms
 platforms
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook, Line and Instagram that can connect all younger
people
Use synonyms
 around the world to talk and exchange their knowledge.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 are likely to have the independence to spend their lifestyles using social
media
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, we can observe that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 would like to have their own freedom and be more independent. I firmly believe that the older can get less advice to teenager about the information that they are not familiar with.
Submitted by v.mahatkomol on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your arguments are clear and supported by relevant examples. While you've used examples, more specific details would enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Focus on paragraph structure to ensure your essay flows logically from one idea to the next. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is developed and expanded upon.
task achievement
For higher marks, ensure a clear position throughout your essay. While you've stated your stance, reinforcing it in the conclusion strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
Review your essay for minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structures to make your points clearer.
coherence cohesion
You've effectively introduced and concluded your essay, clearly stating your position.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples to support your argument, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: