IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Write about the following topic. Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words.

#topic #universities #offer #courses #internet #people #study #development
Nowadays, The majority of universities are increasing the use of technology in their courses studying online. There are pros and cons so In
this
 essay I am discussing more advantages. On the one hand, these days all over the world universities use online
studies
. it is very easy for the tutor and the student.
Therefore
, they provide the lecturer with a group through the Zoom app.
For example
, during the COVID pandemic
time
 all over the world studied using the website online.
Therefore
, it is very helpful for
students
.
As a result
, they are able to do their study properly.
Moreover
, that way there is no wasting
time
 on other things like the financial side. Because
students
 can not spend money to rent a house or go to the bus for
university
 for most wresting
time
 and money.
That is
 why it is very easy to online study.
For instance
, my brother he is every day going to the
university
 by bus. He is very exhausted.
Then
 he comes back home her cannot do anything.
therefore
, online
studies
 are more and more convenient for them for the student.
On the other hand
, the same one who goes to the
university
 for lectures. They have to buy a rented house and they have to spend a lot of
time
 with their friends.
Furthermore
, a student who sits in the lecture room for a long
time
 is very lazy and exhausted. They do not get the right thing. When
students
 go out they love to have fun more than
students
. In conclusion, these days the majority of
students
 are used to online
studies
 so it is very useful for their financial side
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
like the COVID pandemic
time
.But
they
Rephrase
when they
show examples
are going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
 they are addicted to more entertainment
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
than
studies
.
therefore
, making online
studies
 more convenient for tutors and
students
.
Submitted by ma.ushamanu1024 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure clearer organization of paragraphs, focusing on one main idea per paragraph supported by examples or further explanation for higher coherence.
Task Achievement
Address both positive and negative aspects in equal detail for a more balanced discussion when the prompt asks for an evaluation.
Lexical Resource
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enrich your essay and express your ideas more precisely.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Check your essay for grammatical errors and aim to use a range of grammatical structures accurately to improve the score.
Task Achievement
Good use of a real-world example (COVID pandemic) to support your points about the benefits of online learning.
Coherence & Cohesion
Effectively communicated the main advantages of online learning, focusing on convenience and financial benefits.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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