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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

People should choose their course of study not on the basis of their own interests, but based on the kinds of jobs they can get.

#people #course #study #basis #interests #kinds #jobs
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Some
people
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 claim that
students
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 should choose their
studies
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according to
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 a
job
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 they could find in the future,
instead
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 of
studies
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 they are interested in. I do agree because it could avoid an important unemployment rate in a country and increase the skilled workforce as well. My first argument is that today, more and more
students
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 choose
studies
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 they are interested in, but in the end, they are left unemployed because too many
people
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 have chosen the same courses.
For example
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, these days, young
people
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 are willing to study new technology, like creating video games or new applications for smartphones. But many of them can't find any position because of the large number of
people
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 seeking the same
job
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 at the same time.
Therefore
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, to avoid unemployment, we need to define from the beginning of their education, what
people
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 will do, in order to fill all the business sectors.
Moreover
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, we need a skilled workforce to accomplish good work.
In other words
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 , if
people
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 were taught what they were going to do later, it would encourage quality work.
For instance
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, when
people
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 stay unemployed for a long period of time, they try to find another kind of
job
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 or sometimes, try to retrain themselves. But when they are not trained for a different
job
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, they can fail in their new tasks.
However
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, not choosing a course of study for our own interests could be a lack of freedom.
Students
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 should have the right to choose the
studies
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 they like and it could be a guarantee of success in their exams, which can make them feel fulfilled in their lives. As an aside,
studies
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 have shown that
students
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 who are forced to learn a component at school, have less success than others. In conclusion, whilst
students
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 need to be free to select what they want to learn, I believe that choosing
studies
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 relying on the
job
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people
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 will do later, should be efficient to avoid unemployment and have a skilled workforce.
Submitted by leared on

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Introduction
Start with a clear introduction that clearly presents your viewpoint. This sets a strong foundation for the rest of your essay.
Paragraph Development
Ensure each paragraph has a single main idea supported by examples. This strengthens your argument.
Linking Words
Make effective use of linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the flow of your essay.
Sentence Structure
Incorporate diverse sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic range and enhance readability.
Proofreading
Carefully proofread your essay to minimize grammatical errors and ensure clarity of expression.
Structure
Clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Supporting Examples
Effective use of examples to support arguments.
Critical Thinking
Addressed a counterargument, demonstrating critical thinking.
Task Response
Relevant to the task, with a clear position throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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