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Band 6.5

Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schoolto prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #schoolto #students #money
It is often believed that teaching financial knowledge in schools is compulsory to enable undergraduates to manage their money effectively. I firmly agree with
this
 view as a myriad of people are struggling with handling financial issues and educational disparities.
To begin
 with, poor education about money keeps students from spending their budget in a smart way. To be specific, unfamiliar words and complicated information often deter individuals from gaining knowledge about
finance
.
In addition
, they are likely to feel
finance
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 a tough field to address.
As a result
, it culminates in poor understanding and accelerates the hierarchy disparity.
That is
 why, students should learn how to manage money through formal education.
Furthermore
, if undergraduates are not exposed to financial vocabulary, they should be taught
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 society and
this
 can
cuase
Correct your spelling
cause
 social inequality.
For example
, they can gain information from adults
such
 as their parents.
However
, it is not possible for everyone. Busy or uneducated parents are not able to fully pass on the knowledge.
Consequently
,
this
 trend will deteriorate the social disparity as it widens the gap between the poor and the rich
as well as
 the well-educated and the poorly-educated. In conclusion, some people contend that adding
finance
 subjects that teach practical things like capitalism to the curriculum in schools is highly considerable. I strongly agree with
this
 statement as I think that youngsters tend to avoid studying
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
finance
 personally and it is difficult for some people to learn from their surroundings.
Submitted by aahhyu111 on

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Task Achievement
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Coherence & Cohesion
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Task Achievement
In future essays, try incorporating counter-arguments to show a balanced view before concluding with your own stance. This adds depth to your analysis.
Coherence & Cohesion
Pay attention to the pacing of paragraphs to ensure each idea is fully developed before moving to the next point. This enhances the logical flow of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You effectively address the topic directly, offering a clear stance from the beginning and supporting it throughout.
Task Achievement
The use of relevant examples strengthens your main points, making your argument more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your logical structure and focused development of ideas facilitate a smooth reading experience.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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