IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people consider price as the most important thing to think about when buying products ( such as cell phone ) or services ( e.g: medical treatment ). Do you agree or disagree

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In recent times price has become an essential thing in
people
's lives. It is a highly debatable issue whether to buy things like phones to get medical treatment whether it should focus on high
prices
 or on quality. Personally, I agree that the quality of the product is more important than the price. In
this
 essay, I will outline the benefits of purchasing the
prices
. items regardless Saving
money
 plays a vital role in
people
's income. It promotes the good. standards of living.
For example
, the result of conducting research at Glasgow University illustrates that 90% of
people
 who believe that the most significant thing is
money
 are suffering from poverty.
Thus
,
people
 have to pay attention to the best products at low
prices
.
Furthermore
, exposing
people
 to the most expensive items
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 potentially can lead to legal problems. There are some companies that buy products at high
prices
 which are too expensive compared to other local or Simple things.
For instance
, my friend bought a smartwatch from the Mazon app, which was the double price of other watches with the same features from a supermarket.
Moreover
, spending a lot of
money
 has been linked to many mental diseases. Some
people
 may face financial problems. A good example here is my brother who purchased a computer that cost more than 500 hundred.
As a result
, he felt worried and anxious about paying his fees at the university. In conclusion,
prices
 are the most important thing. It boosts saving
money
 and increases
people
's income.
Therefore
, the idea of looking for items at high
prices
 should be stopped. Individuals must encourage themself to search for goods with high quality and features rather than
prices
. The government has the priority to provide a wide range of goods at low
prices
.
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task achievement
Ensure that all points made in the essay directly relate back to the central thesis or question. Some parts of the essay seemed slightly off-topic.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that every paragraph is well-developed and directly supports one of your main points. Some paragraphs could use further elaboration on the ideas presented.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The writer provides examples to support their points, which helps to illustrate the arguments presented.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the writer's position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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