IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution
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Many individuals claim that in order to avoid sickness and conditions, authorities must concentrate on reducing habitat pollution and housing issues. Personally, I partly agree with
this
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 suggestion based on some major reasons that are explained in
this
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 essay. First and foremost, there are some persuasive rationales that support the claim that governments should solve
this
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 problem of the sickness of
people
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's health. In
this
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 day and age,
due to
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 the increasing of
vehicles
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 in urban areas, the atmosphere of these areas has been polluted seriously by the carbon footprint level.
Furthermore
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, it's increasing significantly for the number of individuals who suffer from illnesses related to lung and cardiovascular disease.
This
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 would result in their inability to contribute their workforce to our country.
This
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 led to
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 nation's failure to develop efficiently. If the government can avoid these environmental problems, boost economic development and transform the quality of living of the whole population.
On the other hand
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, despite the idealistic nature of reducing
vehicles
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 nowadays, it actually leads to some disadvantages in
people
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's lives. If the governments can cut down the number of transportation, residents may choose public transport to replace their own , it makes the stations in the whole world crowded and busy.
Moreover
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,
people
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 might be not punctual and inconvenient.
As a result
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, governments need to encourage individuals to use non-gasoline
vehicles
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such
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 as cars that run electric. In conclusion,
although
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 there are mixed options on determining whether the effect of emissions from
vehicles
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 should be reduced by
people
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's awareness, I think that the government still need to support them in using non-pollution transport. Whilst, the problems for
people
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's health should receive the attention.
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and improve word choice for better clarity and precision.
coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and offers a coherent argument, showing that you understand the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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