The obesity rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many developed countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this problems and suggest solutions.

#obesity #rate #teenagers #countries

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this

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modern era,

due to

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technological advancement, children are more likely to suffer from some related health problems

such

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as being overweight in many developed nations. I believe determining the causes of

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issue could assist in finding effective solutions to overcome it. Globalization has been taking place so fast,

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, the Internet has been ubiquitous that everyone has unlimited access to it, especially in developed countries.

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such

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a tantalizing world provides entertainment for children that they prefer to devote their lives to

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programs rather than playing football or hide-and-seek, which was so popular in the past decade.

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, experiencing an overwhelming workload,

parents

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find it difficult to arrange a schedule to play with their children or go on a picnic.

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, physical activities have decreased tremendously which leads to serious problems

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as obesity. To address

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issue,

parents

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should impose some regulations and raise their children’s awareness towards the issue.

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, they can provide a timetable for their kids in order to manage their time. It is not only beneficial to learn time management but

also

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helps them to become organized.

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, walking to school or doing some exercise on a daily basis shifts them from a sedentary lifestyle into an active one. Nowadays, fast food consumption has been increasing dramatically which is one of the most important reasons for gaining weight, especially among youngsters.

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, regarding today’s fast-paced life, most people are willing to eat fast snacks as it is time-saving and scrumptious

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as baked goods, vending machine snacks and instant noodles which

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cause overweight

as well as

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severe diseases.

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, the rate of sugar in beverages has increased significantly which leads to the ever-rising body fats. To remedy the situation,

parents

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should encourage their kids to develop some healthy habits

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limit the consumption of junk food.

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, mothers should provide their families with healthy nutrition.

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, having a balanced diet which is rich in fruits and vegetables and low in fat and carbohydrates is highly beneficial for their mental and physical well-being. In conclusion, even though a sedentary lifestyle and eating fast food contribute to obesity among teenagers in many areas,

parents

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can remedy

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situation. In my opinion, monitoring their children’s activity and organic product consumption are steps in the right direction.

Submitted by shabnam.sohanian on Thu Feb 15 2024

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Ensure that your ideas are not just listed, but also explored in depth. While your essay provides relevant examples, further elaboration on these examples could enhance the development of your main points.

coherence and cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly and effectively. While your essay has a good structure, implementing more varied linking words and phrases can improve the flow of information.

coherence and cohesion

Work on developing a more sophisticated introduction and conclusion. Your essay includes both, but making your thesis statement clearer and your conclusion more reflective could strengthen your argumentative impact.

Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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15
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

394 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

dramatically
prevalence
addictive
sedentary lifestyle
screen time
gadgets
exertion
awareness
balanced diet
incorporate
nutritional education
facilitating
impose
regulations
restricting
promote

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The obesity rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many developed countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this problems and suggest solutions.

Your opinion

Some countries are strungling with increase in crime rates. Some berlive that having more police on the street is bestway to reduce and combat crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new m some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. An alternative view is that they can adapt to a new environment by establishing a minority community. Discuss both views and give your opinion.