Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environment pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the pursuit of preventing disease and illness, many have the opinion that the focus of governments should be invested in housing complications and environmental deterioration.
This
writer sees the benefit of improved living conditions and better strength resistance.
It should be known that tackling the problem of pollution would not only lead to improvement of the environment but Linking Words
also
people’s living conditions and quality. Having fresh air, clean water and litter-free streets, just those simple things already result in a positive quality of a neighbourhood. Take Japan Linking Words
for example
, apartment complexes would have schedules pertaining to cleaning duty and every member of the place will take part eventually, Linking Words
therefore
trash and bacteria never affect the people negatively. Linking Words
Thus
, maintaining the mental well-being of the place and their satisfaction, proves why worrying about pollution is crucial.
What is more, by looking out for related trouble, housing and Linking Words
such
, the environment will be ideal for increasing the immunity of the residents. By regularly checking up on the housing, and putting an end to potentially hazardous places for microorganisms and bacteria, people are doing the most important aspect in the fight against illness. Many health institutions around the world approve of the practice, the best way to deal with illness is by preventing it from happening in the first place. Providing the reason why government and authority parties should focus on similar issues.
All in all, the writer agrees with the statement because by being aware of pollution and housing disputes, the Linking Words
overall
health and happiness of society would be secure.Linking Words
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coherence cohesion
To enhance your essay, try to introduce a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can enrich the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
In your essay, ensure that you fully develop your ideas. While you have provided relevant examples, such as the case from Japan, delving deeper into these examples or providing a wider range could further strengthen your argument and clarity.
task achievement
Consider including a more explicit counterargument or presenting a more varied perspective on the issue before reaffirming your position. This can enrich your discussion and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, providing a clear thesis statement at the beginning and a summarizing conclusion that echoes your main points.
supported main points
Your main points are well-supported with the example of Japan, illustrating how tackling pollution and housing issues positively impacts health.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is commendable. You have clearly separated paragraphs for each main idea, which enhances readability and the overall organization of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.