Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, it is often said that to prevent disease problems, governments should concentrate on cutting down housing problems and environmental pollution.
This
writer totally agrees with this
statement and will explain why during the essay.
It must be understood that the dire quality of air and water is one of the major factors for the degradation of public wellness. To be more specific, in metropolitan areas, rampant air and water adulteration, stemming from industrial activities and urbanization processes, leads to chronic diseases. For instance
, many of Vietnam’s factories release an enormous amount of emissions every day, which leads to air pollution and affects a lot to people’s health
. Therefore
, if governments put more emphasis on mitigating environmental issues and housing dilemmas, such
problems will be alleviated to a great extent.
Nevertheless
, simply focusing on environmental and housing complications is not an effective way to combat all illnesses. It is imperative to recognize alongside these efforts, the government should prioritize raising public awareness and implementing educational programs. Furthermore
, the promotion of robust lifestyles can encourage people to adopt healthy habits. To illustrate, a campaign in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam called upon the local citizens to incorporate a daily 30 minute-morning walk into their routines. As a result
, the participants reported noticeable improvements in their mental and physical health
. In other words
, by enriching the population’s knowledge about health
and prompting them to a more active lifestyle, the government not only lowers disease-related mortality rates but also
eases the burden on its healthcare system.
In conclusion, governments should solve environmental pollution and housing issues to improve people’s health
. However
, every one of us should also
be aware to protect the living environment in particular
and health
in general.Submitted by nguyenkhuyenhcmcs4k11 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to enhance your essay by varying your sentence structures more. This can involve incorporating more complex sentences to express your ideas in a nuanced way.
Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you thoroughly address both sides of the argument, even when you have a strong position. This creates a more balanced and comprehensive essay.
Task Achievement
Consider adding more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This could involve citing studies, statistics, or real-world instances that align with your viewpoints.
Task Achievement
You provided a clear thesis statement and reiterated your stance in the conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good logical structuring and flow of ideas, which makes your argument easy to follow.
Task Achievement
Effective use of examples, particularly the Vietnam factory emissions and Ho Chi Minh City’s health campaign, enriches your essay.
Your opinion
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