Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many individuals believe that with the purpose of avoiding disease and illness, the government should concentrate on alleviating residential housing
problems
and pollution
. The writer advocates this
statement as its positive consequences.
Speaking of environmental pollution
, this
leads to global warming which also
causes some infectious diseases. What the author means is that when the temperature is rising and then
the ice caps will melt rapidly and the sea levels are also
going up. These changes can cause the releasing
of bacteria being captured in frozen ice and flooding or even worse Replace the word
release
that is
the increase of occurring natural disasters. As a consequence
, there will be more severe diseases and higher death rates. Hence
, the authorities should pay attention and efforts to tackle the
environmental Correct article usage
apply
pollution
.
Moving on to housing problems
, it should be acknowledged that the residents who live in high-standard housing estates tend to have longer lifespan
than those living in the lower ones. A house is where people stay for a long period of time so it affects directly their physical and mental health, Fix the agreement mistake
lifespans
instead
of spending money on other problems
, creating a housing estate can reduce the tendency to be ill. In other words
, this
will reduce the noise in the living environment and there will be no traffic and exchanging activities so it also
helps eliminate the noise causing irritation. This
enhances the living standard and the residential health.
To conclude
, it is vital for the government to make a fortune and effort to reduce housing problems
and environmental pollution
in order to prevent illness and disease.Submitted by nguyenkhuyenhcmcs4k11 on
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Language/Sentence Structure
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Argument/Example Diversity
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Coherence/Linking Words
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Task Achievement
The essay clearly identifies and supports the statement that government focus on environmental pollution and housing can prevent illness and disease, which showcases strong task achievement.
Coherence/Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-developed, effectively framing the essay's argument, which contributes to a higher score in task coherence.
Argument Strength
You've successfully incorporated relevant examples to support your points about the impact of pollution and housing on health, enhancing your argument's credibility.
Your opinion
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