IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Should private schools receive government funding? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Authorities have many fundamental responsibilities, and one of them is to provide standard education. Whether or not the authority should sponsor some amount to private
schools
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 is becoming an increasingly controversial topic. I will detail the reasons providing some examples in the following paragraphs. Certainly, The private schooling system does not require funding as they collect hefty fees from their students, from which they manage school expenditures
as well as
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 still make some profit.
For instance
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, about 90% of people opt for self-funded
schools
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, because they promise their students to provide the best education
along with
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 many other curriculum activities, which helps them to develop their personal characteristics.
Additionally
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, they publish their own guidebooks for students based on their experience and expertise, which have aggregated information from the main books.
Consequently
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, rather than funding private academies, authorities should focus on developing existing
government
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 educational systems,
such
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 as extending education to rural areas by building more
schools
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 where required.
In addition
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, they should
also
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 facilitate exiting
schools
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 with modern equipment.
For instance
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, based on a recent study about 55% of
government
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schools
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 are still deprived of basic needs
such
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 as computers in the lab, the latest writing boards, sports equipment, and other
overall
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 internal infrastructure.
To sum up
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, I believe private
schools
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 are capable of making enough money and do not require funds from the
government
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.
However
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, there are other areas where
government
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 funding is required name it medical, infrastructure, public safety, and addressing environmental issues,
thus
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 authority should set their priority
accordingly
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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to create a more sophisticated flow.
Task Achievement
Try to integrate more specific, real-world examples to strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
Ensure the accuracy of data or statistics if mentioned, to support the credibility of your argument.
Introduction
You have made a clear stance on the topic, providing a structured overview in the introduction.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarises your arguments, reinforcing your viewpoint.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of your arguments supports the coherence and flow of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • government funding
  • private schools
  • public education
  • educational inequality
  • educational choices
  • resources and facilities
  • community benefits
  • competition in education
  • financial aid
  • scholarships
  • socioeconomic backgrounds
  • underfunded
  • dual education system
  • accessibility
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