IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed that governments should be aware of pollution and housing
problems
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 in order to prevent disease.
This
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 writer agrees with
this
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 statement because
this
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 will improve citizens’
health
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 and reduce other mental
problems
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. It is vital to understand that environmental
problems
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 are the main contributors to illnesses. Pollution can have a damaging effect on citizens’
health
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 by affecting the air they breathe the food they eat and the water they drink.
As a result
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, their
health
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 decline and are prone to illnesses
such
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 as flu, stomach pain and back pain.
For example
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, air pollution can affect their lungs, and cause respiratory
diseases
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.
This
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 can shorten their lifespan and cannot be able to breathe normally. Citizens have to spend a considerable amount of money to cure the
diseases
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. Another consideration is housing
problems
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 can make inhabitants feel uncomfortable when they are at home.
This
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 can be a shortage of land or
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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.
This
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 can lead to stress and anxiety, affect their
health
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 badly and cause
diseases
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.
For instance
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, a shortage of land means citizens cannot build large homes, which can lead to a lack of space to live.
This
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 may cause inconvenience and discomfort, lead to stress and eventually illness, especially mental
problems
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such
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 as depression and anxiety. In conclusion, it is important to preserve the environment and solve housing
problems
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 in order to prevent
diseases
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.
This
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 can improve citizens’
health
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 by enhancing the quality of the air they breathe and the food they eat; the water they drink.
Furthermore
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, it can improve mental illnesses
such
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 as stress and anxiety.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to directly address the extent to which you agree or disagree throughout the essay for a clearer stance.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples with more specific real-world scenarios to strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
For more balance, consider briefly discussing the opposing viewpoint and why you still maintain your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve flow and readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check for minor grammatical errors and make sure each sentence smoothly leads into the next for clearer understanding.
Introduction
Effectively introduced the topic and clearly stated your agreement with the statement.
Main Points
Provided clear main points supporting your argument, which enhances the logical structure of the essay.
Examples
Included examples to support your ideas, although more detail could provide stronger support.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarized the main points and restated your position, providing a clear closure to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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