Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
It is believed that governments should be aware of pollution and housing
problems
in order to prevent disease. This
writer agrees with this
statement because this
will improve citizens’ health
and reduce other mental problems
.
It is vital to understand that environmental problems
are the main contributors to illnesses. Pollution can have a damaging effect on citizens’ health
by affecting the air they breathe the food they eat and the water they drink. As a result
, their health
decline and are prone to illnesses such
as flu, stomach pain and back pain. For example
, air pollution can affect their lungs, and cause respiratory diseases
. This
can shorten their lifespan and cannot be able to breathe normally. Citizens have to spend a considerable amount of money to cure the diseases
.
Another consideration is housing problems
can make inhabitants feel uncomfortable when they are at home. This
can be a shortage of land or labor
. Change the spelling
labour
This
can lead to stress and anxiety, affect their health
badly and cause diseases
. For instance
, a shortage of land means citizens cannot build large homes, which can lead to a lack of space to live. This
may cause inconvenience and discomfort, lead to stress and eventually illness, especially mental problems
such
as depression and anxiety.
In conclusion, it is important to preserve the environment and solve housing problems
in order to prevent diseases
. This
can improve citizens’ health
by enhancing the quality of the air they breathe and the food they eat; the water they drink. Furthermore
, it can improve mental illnesses such
as stress and anxiety.Submitted by khoi11nk11e on
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Task Achievement
Make sure to directly address the extent to which you agree or disagree throughout the essay for a clearer stance.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples with more specific real-world scenarios to strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
For more balance, consider briefly discussing the opposing viewpoint and why you still maintain your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve flow and readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check for minor grammatical errors and make sure each sentence smoothly leads into the next for clearer understanding.
Introduction
Effectively introduced the topic and clearly stated your agreement with the statement.
Main Points
Provided clear main points supporting your argument, which enhances the logical structure of the essay.
Examples
Included examples to support your ideas, although more detail could provide stronger support.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarized the main points and restated your position, providing a clear closure to your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?