IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Every year several language die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#year #language #people #life #languages #world
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Yearly, some
languages
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 are destroyed. Some
people
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 say it is not crucial because they can have an easier life if there are fewer
languages
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 in our
world
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. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement, and
this
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 essay will argue that the
world
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 become better for
people
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,
due to
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 communication and the development of economics.
To begin
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 with, fewer words can be more beneficial for our communication. It means that, when fewer
languages
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 are life in the
world
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,
people
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 can learn all of them,
therefore
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 they can make a good contribution to others.
For example
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, if in universal just 2
languages
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 exist, folk will learn both of them,
thus
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 they can have a better interaction with all
people
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 throughout the
world
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.
As a result
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, populations could have a stronger connection with each other.
Additionally
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, the government can improve their economy. It means, companies can develop their businesses by employing many folks from all over the
world
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. Plus, the population can send their request to many companies to get a job, because they understand them, and can able to talk with them and show their powers.
For instance
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, if a person is able to talk with all the
people
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 in the environment, he (she) has enormous opportunities to get a higher job,
therefore
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 it can be the most important profit for the companies, and develop their trade, and
as a result
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, it could assist them increasing the economic situation in any countries. In conclusion, fewer
languages
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 in the
world
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 could be more profitable for both the countries and the communities,
due to
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 the better impact on the connection between the
people
Use synonyms
, and improve the economics of the countries.
Submitted by pooya.olad on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure and flow of your essay. Some sentences are awkwardly worded and can be clarified for better understanding.
task achievement
Include more specific and relevant examples to support your points more effectively. This will add depth and make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Focus on using more precise vocabulary and varied sentence structures to express your ideas clearly and comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument nicely.
task achievement
You’ve addressed both aspects of the question, discussing the impact on communication as well as economic development.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay makes it easy to follow your argument from one point to the next.
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