IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People behave differently when they wear different clothes. Do you agree that different clothes influence the way people behave? Use specific samples to support your answer

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The quote that
people
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's behaviour may be affected by their styles is considered to be correct;
however
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, I am inclined to believe that,
although
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 the
way
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people
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 choose their outfits must not affect their behaviour, it is an automatic response to the appearance of
people
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 and their clothing and is an unpreventable reaction.
Firstly
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, clothing style is considered an unconscious influential factor in society, as visual judgment is an inevitable incident. Not only do citizens behave
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
person with a formal outfit formally, but
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also
Correct pronoun usage
they also
show examples
, he is thought to have a more serious or classy character. To illustrate, I have a personal experience in which I used to have a co-worker who would wear suits every day. My personal inception from his clothing style led me to behave toward him in a formal
way
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 and made him treat me in the same
way
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.
As a result
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, I must agree with the mentioned statement regarding the manner of dressing up since individuals who prefer the formal
way
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 of styling unintentionally tend to behave formally, and
this
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 kind of reaction can be generalized to all types of clothing.
Secondly
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, it is a widely held belief that
people
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 must not be judged by their appearance.
Moreover
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, it should not be forgotten that we have thousands of examples who can ignore the statement that "the
way
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 you get dressed can impact the
way
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 you behave".
For instance
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, Mark Zuckerberg, one of the wealthiest and most prominent
people
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 in the world, has always been seen with a simple T-shirt and Jeans as he believes that choosing different styles for every day is a waste of time.
Accordingly
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, he is considered to be a greatly paramount character with a basic style that has not been affected by his types of clothing. In conclusion, there is no doubt that judging
people
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 based on their outfit choices is an ever-happening thing which cannot be prevented.
However
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, raising public awareness that clothing is not an appropriate index for assessing a person's personality can change
this
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 trend over time.

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Vocabulary
Using a broader range of vocabulary specific to the topic can enhance the persuasiveness and depth of your essay.
Grammar
Try to use a variety of sentence structures to showcase your proficiency in English.
Grammar
Make sure to proofread to catch and correct minor grammatical mistakes.
Content development
Developing your paragraphs with more supporting details can make your argument stronger.
Content balance
You effectively addressed both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view.
Use of examples
You provided clear examples from personal experience, which made your argument more convincing.
Coherence
Your essay has a good logical flow, making it easy to follow your argument.
Introduction and conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively encapsulate the main points of the essay.
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