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Writing Samples
Band 7

Women play quite different role in society than twenty years ago. They make career growth, earn money, drive cars and spend less time with their children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

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In recent years,the
role
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 has become an integral part of modern life, bringing both benefits and challenges.
While
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 some argue that
women
Use synonyms
 make career development, earn salaries, drive and spend a little time with their children offer numerous advantages, others believe it creates significant drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before concluding with a balanced view. One major advantage of
women
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's involvement in various job sectors is that it enhances opportunities for career growth, leading to improved roles in society
For instance
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, Sunita Williams became the first lady to spend 9 months in the space, which
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
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 individuals to make everyday tasks more efficient. Another significant benefit is independence, which contributes to developing their self-esteem by providing better opportunities in various sectors.
As a result
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, many people experience improvement in their
overall
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 quality of life. Despite these benefits, the different
role
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 of working
women
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also
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 has its drawbacks. A key issue is the weak bond with their kids, which can lead to feeling isolated.
For example
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, businesswomen are always busy with their hectic schedules, which negatively impacts their relationship with their families . Another disadvantage is an imbalance in work-life balance, as it may cause several long-term problems for themselves. These issues highlight the need for effective steps to minimize negative effects. In conclusion,
while
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 the changing
role
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 of
women
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 offers significant advantages
such
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 as the changing
role
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 of
women
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, its drawbacks, including a negative impact on their relationship with their kids, should not be ignored. To maximize benefits
while
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 reducing harm, individuals and policymakers should adopt a balanced approach. Ultimately, careful management of work-life is essential to ensure sustainable progress.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider clearly distinguishing between advantages and disadvantages in the content rather than blending discussions. This will help clarify your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that ties directly back to your thesis statement for stronger coherence.
task achievement
Use a wider range of specific examples and elaboration to support your points more effectively, which could enhance your task response.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view of the topic, addressing both advantages and disadvantages effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your vocabulary is varied and demonstrates a good command of language.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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