Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think is a positive of negative development

There is no denying the fact that
kids
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
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hours each day on their electronic devices.
This
essay will discuss why
this
case provides and consider my opinion about advantages and disadvantages.
To begin
with, there are many cases of people spending time on their smartphones.
Firstly
, generation Z is a modern part of our society and they have different aspects.
In other words
, in the
past
Add a comma
past,
show examples
we had various ways to spend time.
In addition
, technology was not provided yet.
Furthermore
. Technology is something crucial for
kids
' daily uses, it introduces them
with
Change preposition
to
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a wide range of knowledge
beside
Replace the word
besides
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the simplicity of using.
For example
,nowadays many schools attend to share the courses
throughout
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through
show examples
websites,
Correct word choice
and their
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their
Replace the word
there
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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various games
apps
Correct word choice
and apps
show examples
kids
spend their leisure time
on
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apply
show examples
playing. Another point to consider, there are many disadvantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
issue
about
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of
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children losing the ability to communicate with others. it is
also
possible to say that technology is a threat to
kids
' skills. They will be afraid of facing people in advance and the only way to communicate is by social media platforms.
Moreover
, the most independent
think
Correct your spelling
thing
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is the medical problems most taken into consideration.
For instance
, Back and neck pains and not to forget a weakness in levels of showing. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that parents have a critical responsibility to take care
about
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of
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their children and avoid them
to
Change preposition
from
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employ
Verb problem
using
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smartphones for long hours.
Additionally
, engage them with more efficient activities
such
as football classes and crossing courses.
Submitted by zaidamrat5 on

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Supporting Details
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Task Response
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Coherence
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Grammar and Spelling
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Balanced Discussion
Explored both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, giving a balanced view.
Relevance of Examples
Included relevant examples, though more specificity could improve clarity.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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