IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#internet #matter #hand #people #socialise #statements
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Some individuals are of the opinion that the
internet
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 supports
people
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 in bridging the gap between
people
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, regardless of the place we are living in,
while
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 some
people
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 believe it prevents
people
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 from having social
communication
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. From my standpoint, I wholly believe that the
internet
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 is beneficial since it helps
users
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 broaden their horizons .
This
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 essay will expound upon
this
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 by giving compelling reasons and practical examples.
Firstly
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, most benefits are gained from widening one's horizon. Specifically, over the past few years, the development of technology has grown unstoppably, so the
internet
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 helps
users
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 meet various friends
as well as
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 learn how to excel in
communication
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 and negotiation.
As a result
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, they could forge valuable relationships,
along with
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 equipping essential skills to access lucrative career opportunities.
For instance
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, English is the most significant language in recent years, so meeting friends from many different countries through online games or social media could support
users
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 to learn the language more easily than
previous
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in previous
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 times, meaning that they could comfortably look for a job.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 issue still has some reservations that it is indeed detrimental. One of the reasons why
people
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 think that way is using the
internet
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 will make
people
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 socialise with others, and
this
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 can lead to less durable rapport with their acquaintances.
However
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, for
people
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 who are not outgoing and talkative, the
internet
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 is one of the best solutions to deal with
this
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 problem, as the more conversations they have, the more their confidence.
Thus
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, it helps
people
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 to bridge the gap between them and their relatives through
communication
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 skills they have learned and are never afraid of having too few friends. in the case of autistic
people
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 who are anti-social, they may improve their talking ability through
communication
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 apps
such
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 as Omegles. In conclusion,
i
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I
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 totally agree that
people
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 should build connections through
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Internet
Add an article
the Internet
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 since
users
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 can access lucrative career opportunities;
furthermore
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, it is beneficial to
users
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 to be more confident and bridge the gap between
people
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, regardless of some reservations
due to
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 many methods that could solve that mentioned problem.

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task achievement
You have successfully addressed the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument. However, a more balanced discussion with equal weight to both perspectives would make it more compelling. Additionally, a few more specific examples would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized and ideas are connected logically. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
language
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors, such as capitalization in 'i' and ensure to use consistent punctuation. Additionally, vary sentence structures to maintain the reader's interest.
task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing multiple perspectives effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively framed, providing a strong foundation and closure to the essay.
language
Your vocabulary is broad, and your use of language is appropriate for the task, demonstrating a good command of English.
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