Some people think that mobile phones are harmful for children ,while other disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

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In
this
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modern world, everyone, from the oldest
people
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to the youngest (including
children
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), uses mobile
phones
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in their daily activities. Some
people
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argue that it is safe for
children
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to
use
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it.
However
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, I believe that
children
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should not allowed to
use
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gadgets
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, because they are dangerous. I will discuss both views and give my opinion. The main reason why parents let their
children
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use
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a phone is because it can help develop
children
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's creativity. Using
phones
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enables a child to widen their knowledge based on their interest,
such
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as animals or plants. These
children
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can browse through the internet using
gadgets
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to get information.
Moreover
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, they
also
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can play a game like Roblox, which is good for their imagination and
also
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their future.
On the other hand
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, there are some reasons why parents should prohibit their
children
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from using a phone.
Firstly
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, it can decrease social skills. These young
people
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need to play with their friends, so they can learn to socialise. If
children
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people
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use
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mobile
phones
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, it can distract them from playing with friends. Meanwhile, they need to learn social skills for their future.
Furthermore
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,
children
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who play with
gadgets
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can forget to do other activities,
such
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as eating or doing sports activities. In the long term, these can impact their body and cause health
problems
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,
such
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as Gerd. In my opinion, giving a gadget to
children
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is not safe, because it leads to health
problems
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,
such
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as obesity and eye
problems
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.
Besides
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that, it
also
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causes mental
problems
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,
such
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as gadget addiction. In conclusion,
while
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there are positive impacts for
children
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using
phones
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, it
also
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has more dangerous negative effects. I suggest parents not give access to their
children
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using
gadgets
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, because
this
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has more negative than positive impacts.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Task Achievement
Ensure to discuss both sides of the argument equally to provide a balanced view before stating your opinion.
Task Achievement
Clarify and expand on your examples by providing specific details or statistics that strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to more clearly connect your ideas and arguments.
Language
Consider revising for grammatical errors and typos to ensure clarity and professionalism in your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Effectively introduced and concluded the topic, providing a clear stance in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good use of paragraphs to separate and clearly discuss each viewpoint.
Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments and examples, though further development would enhance it.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive screen time
  • health problems
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • disrupted sleep patterns
  • inappropriate content
  • addiction
  • reliance
  • impair
  • social skills
  • educational tools
  • digital literacy
  • mitigated
  • parental guidance
  • safeguards
  • responsible use
  • monitored
  • development
  • benefits
  • risks
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