Some people think that mobile phones are harmful for children ,while other disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion
In
this
modern world, everyone, from the oldest people
to the youngest (including children
), uses mobile phones
in their daily activities. Some people
argue that it is safe for children
to use
it. However
, I believe that children
should not allowed to use
gadgets
, because they are dangerous. I will discuss both views and give my opinion.
The main reason why parents let their children
use
a phone is because it can help develop children
's creativity. Using phones
enables a child to widen their knowledge based on their interest, such
as animals or plants. These children
can browse through the internet using gadgets
to get information. Moreover
, they also
can play a game like Roblox, which is good for their imagination and also
their future.
On the other hand
, there are some reasons why parents should prohibit their children
from using a phone. Firstly
, it can decrease social skills. These young people
need to play with their friends, so they can learn to socialise. If children
people
use
mobile phones
, it can distract them from playing with friends. Meanwhile, they need to learn social skills for their future. Furthermore
, children
who play with gadgets
can forget to do other activities, such
as eating or doing sports activities. In the long term, these can impact their body and cause health problems
, such
as Gerd.
In my opinion, giving a gadget to children
is not safe, because it leads to health problems
, such
as obesity and eye problems
. Besides
that, it also
causes mental problems
, such
as gadget addiction.
In conclusion, while
there are positive impacts for children
using phones
, it also
has more dangerous negative effects. I suggest parents not give access to their children
using gadgets
, because this
has more negative than positive impacts.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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Task Achievement
Ensure to discuss both sides of the argument equally to provide a balanced view before stating your opinion.
Task Achievement
Clarify and expand on your examples by providing specific details or statistics that strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to more clearly connect your ideas and arguments.
Language
Consider revising for grammatical errors and typos to ensure clarity and professionalism in your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Effectively introduced and concluded the topic, providing a clear stance in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good use of paragraphs to separate and clearly discuss each viewpoint.
Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments and examples, though further development would enhance it.
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