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Band 7.5

Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously?

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There is no gainsaying the fact that varied culture and diversity is seen in different countries around the globe. As
people
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 travel from
one
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 country to another for better living, cities observe a lot of different
people
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 with different lifestyles. Certain praiseworthy steps can be taken by the
government
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 to maintain peace in these cities. To commence with, the
government
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 should implement rules that
people
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 have the right to celebrate their festivals and functions the way they used to celebrate in their countries. In India,
for example
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, Diwali is the main festival, celebrated with burning firecrackers at night.
Similarly
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, governments of different countries should provide permission to the
people
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 to celebrate
this
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 festival by burning firecrackers.
Although
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 they cause air and noise pollution, giving
one
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 day of freedom would help
people
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 to live happily.
Thus
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, all
people
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 should be given equal rights to celebrate their festivals by which they will be treated equally as others and enjoy their lives even in different atmospheres. Another worth considering reason is that facilities provided by the
government
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 to
people
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 should be the same for everyone whether it is someone on a student visa or someone who is a citizen.
As a result
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, no
one
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 will be discriminated against . In Canada,
for instance
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, health card is provided only to permanent residents or full-time workers, but there is no
such
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 facility provided to students or tourists. If the
government
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 provides
this
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 facility to everyone,
people
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 would not fight for these facilities.
Hence
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, they will live peacefully in
one
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 country.
To conclude
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, even though it is hard to keep everyone together and happy, it all depends on the
government
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 and what steps they are taking to keep their
people
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 living peacefully.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and adding more complexity for a richer, more engaging narrative.
Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure your examples are detailed, directly linked to the question, and explore the implications of the suggestions.
Task Achievement and Relevant Specific Examples
You provided clear examples from India and Canada to support your points, which made your argument more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Overall, your essay had a logical structure and coherent flow, with a defined introduction and conclusion, supporting your main points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cosmopolitan
  • inclusive policies
  • cultural exchange
  • integration
  • community centers
  • anti-discrimination
  • awareness campaigns
  • support systems
  • diversity
  • equal opportunities
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