In many countries, people are now living longer than before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Others people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extend do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Constantly increasing life expectancy has become a hotly debated issue nowadays.
While
some people
believe that more elderly population in our society can lead to additional challenges that the government should tackle, others see this
change as a great opportunity, that can benefit our society. In this
essay, I will argue that the advantages of an increase in the ageing population can outweigh the disadvantages, if companies
adopt the working environment and recognize the pensioners as a new market share with great potential.
Most companies
build a working environment for young or middle-aged people
, taking into consideration that all the employees will leave the company as soon as they reach the appropriate age. By changing this
concept, companies
may get more highly qualified and experienced employees, that they do not need to train or promote in future. Furthermore
, ageing people
will continue to earn money and will not need to rely on pensions or other government donations. I think that the advantage of keeping more elderly people
as a working force is clear and should be part of the country
policy.
Change noun form
country's
People
in the third part of their lives present a huge potential from a shopping force perspective. Most of them do not have mortgages to pay or they do not need to support the study of their children. They have some savings and lots of free time, which makes them a great market to provide services to. For instance
, many elderly people
like tourism, which can support both local and foreign businesses, bringing more taxes to the country. The more services companies
can provide to this
constantly growing market, the more benefit both companies
and local authorities will get.
To conclude
, I definitely see in
the rapidly growing elderly Change preposition
apply
people
population as potential customers and a valuable working force, that can continue to support the economy and benefit the society we are living in.Submitted by vikiregev on
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Sentence Structure
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and flow. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your essay more engaging.
Vocabulary
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, especially with synonyms for frequently used words to demonstrate linguistic range and precision.
Tone
Be mindful of maintaining a formal tone throughout your essay. Avoid colloquialisms and ensure that your word choice aligns with academic writing standards.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view, examining both advantages and disadvantages before stating a clear opinion. This is excellent for task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
You structured your essay effectively with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that support your argument, and a concise conclusion. This organization aids in the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Examples and Support
Providing specific examples to support your arguments (e.g., mentioning the potential for elderly people to support tourism and businesses) strengthens your essay and aids in achieving the task.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.