Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent years, modern telecommunications allowed the transcript of their content leading to a discussion about its property.

This

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essay will focus on the positive aspects and drawbacks of granting access to them by governments.

To begin

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with, keeping a trace of internet communications could help police work, increasing the world's safety.

In addition

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, using everyday mobile phones and applications everyone is already under control by companies behind them, so why not agree to let the government do a similar profiling activity?

For instance

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, imagine the high frequency of personalized advertisements that appear online after collecting past research and the voices of each user.

Furthermore

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, criminal acts are increasing on the World Wide Web, if agencies could track these records more and more criminals could be caught before.

For example

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, it is documented how many trials against mafia families were closed thanks to the use of interceptions of their calls.

On the other hand

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, privacy is an

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apply

show examples

insidious topic perceived differently by each individual.

Firstly

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, all citizens have their own rights and their personal conversations should not be

government's

Correct article usage

the government's

show examples

business.

This

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can be visualised through the example of George Orwell's book "Animal Farm" where the state knew everything about the population, leading to totalitarianism and mind control. Another disadvantage of

this

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technique is the high danger of keeping personal materials of people all in one place governed by institutions. It is easy to imagine what would happen if a hacker managed to steal

this

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information, resulting in blackmail and total chaos.

To conclude

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, the government being a listener in conversations is a powerful tool to improve safety, but should not trespass on the privacy of citizens. In my opinion,

this

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could be done only for individuals with criminal records.

matilderestelli.workWed Oct 09 2024

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coherence cohesion

Enhance organization by clearly separating body paragraphs that address each view. For instance, one paragraph should focus strictly on the advantages of government access and another just on privacy issues. This will enhance clarity.

task achievement

Expand on examples related to privacy issues. Although the reference to Orwell's "Animal Farm" is illustrative, it could be supported by contemporary examples of privacy invasions in real life to make the argument stronger.

task achievement

You provided a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, which is crucial for this task. Well done!

coherence cohesion

The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in delivering a coherent argument.

coherence cohesion

The essay flows logically with a smooth progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Surveillance
Civil liberties
Oversight
Intrusion
National security
Counterterrorism
Wiretapping
Data encryption
Privacy rights
Authorized access
Judicial oversight
Illegal monitoring
Telecommunication data
Personal communications
Unwarranted intrusion
Transparency
Accountability
Civilian oversight

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