In the future ,we will have more and more leisure time as machines replace many of the tasks we do at home and at work.Discuss the challenges and benefits this will bring

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Some
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
that
individulas
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individuals
will have more free time when the
robots
replace them in multitasks ,whether, at home or
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. As benefits
aritificial
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artificial
intellegence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
will contribute in comfortable of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
,
moreover
, increasing
of
Change preposition
apply
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work accuracy.
In contrast
.
Robots
will create
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
massive jobless individuals
also
people will
lack
Rephrase
also lack
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the ability to do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
simple work. On the one hand, one of the advantages is that humans will have more free time to do their other activities.
Such
as
,
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apply
show examples
studying ,playing and staying with their families.When
robots
do the home
chorses
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chores
such
as cleaning, washing the dishes and cooking
peole
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people
will have
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
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time to do other
stuffs
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stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
.
In
addition
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addition,
show examples
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
will be
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
rise commercially and economically due to the accuracy in manufacturing ,
Furhermore
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Furthermore
,
error free
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error-free
show examples
surgical
apparatous
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apparatus
.
For example
, In Germany, hospitals
start
Wrong verb form
have started
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to use electronic machines to do
neurosurgaries
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neurosurgeries
which ,require
high
Add an article
a high
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level of concentration and accuracy.
On the other hand
, Technological machines will decline the human
effeciancy
Correct your spelling
efficiency
.
In other words
,
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
the progress of technology
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
robots
will displace human beings in many jobs
as a result
large number of people will stay at home
Submitted by moonymum0011 on

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Grammar & Sentence Structure
It's essential to proofread your essay to correct small grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for better clarity.
Conclusion Development
Consider expanding your conclusion to provide a summary of your discussion as well as your own opinion or prediction about the future impact of robots and AI on society.
Paragraphing & Transitions
Make sure to discuss each point of your argument in separate paragraphs and use clear transitions to improve the flow of your essay.
Example Specificity & Diversity
To enhance your argument, include more diverse and concrete examples to illustrate both the benefits and challenges of increased leisure time due to automation.
Idea Development
You've provided a good range of ideas addressing both the benefits and challenges of automation.
Effective Use of Examples
Your use of examples, like the neurosurgeries in Germany, helps to concretize your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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