Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
In contemporary society, the debate over the most effective measures to prevent illness and disease has intensified.
While
I understand why some argue that governmental efforts should primarily target reducing environmental pollution
and addressing housing problems
, I believe they should not be the sole focus of governmental action.
On the one hand, reducing environmental pollution
and improving housing conditions can yield significant health
benefits . Air pollution
, primarily caused by vehicular emissions and industrial activities, has been linked to respiratory diseases such
as asthma and lung cancer. By implementing stringent regulations on emissions and investing in cleaner energy sources, governments
can significantly reduce the prevalence of such
illnesses. Similarly
, addressing housing problems
such
as overcrowded and unsanitary living environments can prevent the spread of infectious diseases like tuberculosis and hepatitis . Initiatives like the Healthy Homes program in New Zealand have successfully reduced instances of such
illnesses by addressing issues like dampness and mold
in housing.
Change the spelling
mould
However
, I argue that solely focusing on environmental pollution
and housing problems
may overlook other critical determinants of public health
. Unhealthy lifestyle behaviors
, Change the spelling
behaviours
such
as poor diet and lack of exercise, also
contribute significantly to chronic diseases like diabetes and heart conditions. This
is why governments
should implement education and intervention programs to promote healthy behaviors
and empower individuals to make informed choices regarding their Change the spelling
behaviours
health
. Furthermore
, addressing inaccessibility to healthcare
services is essential for ensuring equitable health
outcomes. Even if environmental pollution
is reduced and housing conditions improve, individuals from marginalized communities may still face barriers to accessing healthcare
due to
financial and geographical constraints . By prioritizing healthcare
infrastructure expansion and implementing policies that remove financial barriers to healthcare
access, governments
can address underlying health
disparities and promote overall
public health
.
In conclusion, while
addressing environmental pollution
and housing problems
is absolutely crucial, I contend that governments
should also
consider other determinants of public health
, such
as unhealthy lifestyle behaviors
and Change the spelling
behaviours
healthcare
accessibility, to adopt a more comprehensive approach towards disease prevention.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
You articulated a well-rounded argument, blending both sides of the debate. However, ensure that each paragraph thoroughly explores its main points with a balanced depth. This means every claim should be equally supported by evidence or examples, ensuring a consistent detail level across your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to show contrast, cause-effect relationships, and addition. This will make your argument flow more naturally and improve the readability of your essay.
Task Achievement
For a higher score, focus on integrating a broader variety of specific examples and data to support your main points. While the examples provided are relevant, incorporating statistics, case studies, or findings from reputable sources could make your argument even more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively encapsulate the main argument, providing a strong framework for the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Main points are well-supported and logically structured, making the argument easy to follow.
Task Achievement
Your response is complete and comprehensive, covering multiple facets of the issue and showing an understanding of the complexity of public health strategies.