Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
In contemporary society, the debate over the most effective measures to prevent illness and disease has intensified.
While
I understand why some argue that governmental efforts should primarily target reducing environmental Linking Words
pollution
and addressing housing Use synonyms
problems
, I believe they should not be the sole focus of governmental action.
On the one hand, reducing environmental Use synonyms
pollution
and improving housing conditions can yield significant Use synonyms
health
benefits . Air Use synonyms
pollution
, primarily caused by vehicular emissions and industrial activities, has been linked to respiratory diseases Use synonyms
such
as asthma and lung cancer. By implementing stringent regulations on emissions and investing in cleaner energy sources, Linking Words
governments
can significantly reduce the prevalence of Use synonyms
such
illnesses. Linking Words
Similarly
, addressing housing Linking Words
problems
Use synonyms
such
as overcrowded and unsanitary living environments can prevent the spread of infectious diseases like tuberculosis and hepatitis . Initiatives like the Healthy Homes program in New Zealand have successfully reduced instances of Linking Words
such
illnesses by addressing issues like dampness and Linking Words
mold
in housing.
Change the spelling
mould
However
, I argue that solely focusing on environmental Linking Words
pollution
and housing Use synonyms
problems
may overlook other critical determinants of public Use synonyms
health
. Unhealthy lifestyle Use synonyms
behaviors
, Change the spelling
behaviours
such
as poor diet and lack of exercise, Linking Words
also
contribute significantly to chronic diseases like diabetes and heart conditions. Linking Words
This
is why Linking Words
governments
should implement education and intervention programs to promote healthy Use synonyms
behaviors
and empower individuals to make informed choices regarding their Change the spelling
behaviours
health
. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, addressing inaccessibility to Linking Words
healthcare
services is essential for ensuring equitable Use synonyms
health
outcomes. Even if environmental Use synonyms
pollution
is reduced and housing conditions improve, individuals from marginalized communities may still face barriers to accessing Use synonyms
healthcare
Use synonyms
due to
financial and geographical constraints . By prioritizing Linking Words
healthcare
infrastructure expansion and implementing policies that remove financial barriers to Use synonyms
healthcare
access, Use synonyms
governments
can address underlying Use synonyms
health
disparities and promote Use synonyms
overall
public Linking Words
health
.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
while
addressing environmental Linking Words
pollution
and housing Use synonyms
problems
is absolutely crucial, I contend that Use synonyms
governments
should Use synonyms
also
consider other determinants of public Linking Words
health
, Use synonyms
such
as unhealthy lifestyle Linking Words
behaviors
and Change the spelling
behaviours
healthcare
accessibility, to adopt a more comprehensive approach towards disease prevention.Use synonyms
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Task Achievement
You articulated a well-rounded argument, blending both sides of the debate. However, ensure that each paragraph thoroughly explores its main points with a balanced depth. This means every claim should be equally supported by evidence or examples, ensuring a consistent detail level across your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to show contrast, cause-effect relationships, and addition. This will make your argument flow more naturally and improve the readability of your essay.
Task Achievement
For a higher score, focus on integrating a broader variety of specific examples and data to support your main points. While the examples provided are relevant, incorporating statistics, case studies, or findings from reputable sources could make your argument even more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively encapsulate the main argument, providing a strong framework for the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Main points are well-supported and logically structured, making the argument easy to follow.
Task Achievement
Your response is complete and comprehensive, covering multiple facets of the issue and showing an understanding of the complexity of public health strategies.