Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they age, while others think they should stay home with family. Discuss both views and give your own opini on.)
owadays
, Correct your spelling
Nowadays
adults
in some countries have the choice of whether to stay at home or live alone. While
some argue that offspring should live alone when they grow up, others advocate that they should stay with their family. In this
essay, I will discuss both arguments. From my perspective, I completely agree with the second view, with some supervision from their parents
.
On the one hand, various parents
advise their youngsters to live alone when they become adults
because of several reasons. Firstly
, living without a family may teach the
Correct article usage
apply
adults
to become independent and responsible. For example
, young adults
become responsible for paying bills such
as phones, electricity, and rent. Another positive aspect of leaving home and living alone is that it helps adults
to mature early and start their own careers, which ultimately helps them establish their own lives. For instance
, adults
strive to find job opportunities to earn a living. All these positives could benefit the adults
, their families, and society as a whole.
On the other hand
, other parents
argue for keeping their sons and daughters at home after they reach adulthood. This
opinion also
has its merits, as it provides more care and support for adults
from the parents
' side. For example
, young people could receive both financial and emotional support. In other words
, when problems arise, parents
will assist them in finding solutions. Additionally
, they can receive protection from potential abuses in society. Ultimately, by caring for their offspring, society can foster a safer environment.
To sum up
, whether to keep youngsters with their parents
or give them the chance to experience life independently depends on the parents
' attitudes, cultural background, and faith. As I mentioned before, I believe in allowing adults
to live alone without severing their relationship with their parents
, while
still being able to receive support whenever they need it.Submitted by monahhj123 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized and maintains a clear logical structure throughout, significantly enhancing its readability and effectiveness. To further improve, consider connecting your ideas even more seamlessly with a wider range of linking words and phrases.
task achievement
You've done an excellent job of task achievement by discussing both views and providing your own opinion. For an even higher score, ensure that your examples are thoroughly developed and directly relate to the points you're making, bolstering your argument's impact.
task achievement
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, presenting your argument and summarizing your main points. To add depth, you could refine your conclusion by predicting future implications or suggesting a more detailed solution.
task achievement
Balanced discussion of both viewpoints with a clear personal opinion.
task achievement
Effective use of examples to support points.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure and coherence in presenting arguments.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.