IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent to do you agree?

#people #sites #facebook #impact #individuals #society
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It is considered by some individuals that, social networking
sites
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,
for example
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,
Facebook
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 have had a detrimental
effect
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 on individual
people
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 and local communities.
However
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, I believe it has a beneficial
effect
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 on a person but has several drawbacks for societies and local
people
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.
To begin
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 with, many social networking
sites
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,
for instance
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,
Facebook
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, are considered positive in many ways for individuals. Those living in different countries are far away from their families, so it is a good platform to unite them with just one click and reduce the long-distance short. The feeling of homesickness is reduced by
this
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 modern technology before
this
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 invention, it was hard to ask their loved ones how life going. It took ages to get a letter and they reply those letters after months. But these days it normalizes life, so networking
sites
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 like
Facebook
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 and many other platforms like Instagram, WhatsApp, and Snapchat are the fast-connecting networks in today's world that join
people
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 from different parts of the world just in seconds.
In addition
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, the
effect
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 of
this
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 is
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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 for society and local communities because
people
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 are more focused
to make
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on making
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 friends from around the world. They are more curious to adapt
their
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to their
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 cultures by direct connection with the
people
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 living
their
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there
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. They are forgetting their own culture and languages and trying to copy them.
This
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 happens because of the involvement of these social websites everyone has access to their news because of social media. The communities are breaking into fragments as they try to talk to one who is not close to them and one who is sitting beside them they are neglecting them.
Hence
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 the rate of depression, and loneliness is increasing day by day and families are distanced as well.
Therefore
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, it has a harmful
effect
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 on society. In conclusion, social media like
Facebook
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 has a positive
effect
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 on the person individually but for society, it is alarming because many stress-related factors are originating just because of
this
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. In my opinion ,
i
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I
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can not deny the positive side of these
sites
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 but it has some drawbacks as well.
Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure consistency in your views throughout the essay to effectively communicate your stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to structure your essay more clearly.
Task Achievement
Focus on expanding your ideas with more depth and detail, particularly in supporting your arguments with specific examples.
Language
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and strive for accuracy in your language use.
Content
Your essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.
Structure
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • face-to-face
  • interactions
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • polarize
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • procrastination
  • productivity
  • social isolation
  • dissemination
  • breeding ground
  • vast amounts
  • personal information
  • mental health
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