A child how he grows up depends on how they were brought up by their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that the way a boy or girl raises up is intrinsically connected to how their relatives educated him. I strongly disagree with the view owing to the fact familiar genes interfere with the growth process.
Although
, the surrounding environment has its role in
this
process.
This
essay will shed light on both sides of the view and provide evidence to prove the arguments. On the one hand, genetic predisposition plays a key role in child development.
In other words
, no matter what the parents and friends do to change a teenager's route, its biological gene will define its orientation. 60% of world professions throughout the planet followed their father's profession, the recent Oxford University investigation reported
for instance
.
As a result
, children follow their progenitor’s job.
Furthermore
, it is the overriding reason for having communities orientated to fishing, farming, and so forth.
On the other hand
, the vicinity modifies the teenager' following. Because of the influence, it has on boys' advancement, it should be taken into regard.
For example
, even if a young one has the willpower to follow his dream course, if the local conditions do not exist, his dream is hampered.
Moreover
, it pointed out as the prime reason for Brazilians being footballers.
Hence
, girls and boys are diverted from their first orientation following the local existent ones. In conclusion, notwithstanding interference made up by the neighbourhood's conditions, genetic predisposition is pivotal in the matter.
Therefore
, I still strongly disagree with the statement. I would go as far as to say, collateral should not be worried about their youngsters' careers as the gene will speak out.
Submitted by mohsen.souri93 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity; some ideas were slightly confusing due to grammatical errors.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score, ensure all main points are well-supported and clearly articulated. The essay occasionally lacked clarity in argument and reasoning.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of different factors influencing a child's growth.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, which helps guide the reader through the essay effectively.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the Oxford University investigation, have been used to support points, adding to the essay's credibility.
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