IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

A child how he grows up depends on how they were brought up by their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed that the way a boy or girl raises up is intrinsically connected to how their relatives educated him. I strongly disagree with the view owing to the fact familiar genes interfere with the growth process.
Although
Linking Words
, the surrounding environment has its role in
this
Linking Words
 process.
This
Linking Words
 essay will shed light on both sides of the view and provide evidence to prove the arguments. On the one hand, genetic predisposition plays a key role in child development.
In other words
Linking Words
, no matter what the parents and friends do to change a teenager's route, its biological gene will define its orientation. 60% of world professions throughout the planet followed their father's profession, the recent Oxford University investigation reported
for instance
Linking Words
.
As a result
Linking Words
, children follow their progenitor’s job.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is the overriding reason for having communities orientated to fishing, farming, and so forth.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the vicinity modifies the teenager' following. Because of the influence, it has on boys' advancement, it should be taken into regard.
For example
Linking Words
, even if a young one has the willpower to follow his dream course, if the local conditions do not exist, his dream is hampered.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it pointed out as the prime reason for Brazilians being footballers.
Hence
Linking Words
, girls and boys are diverted from their first orientation following the local existent ones. In conclusion, notwithstanding interference made up by the neighbourhood's conditions, genetic predisposition is pivotal in the matter.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I still strongly disagree with the statement. I would go as far as to say, collateral should not be worried about their youngsters' careers as the gene will speak out.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity; some ideas were slightly confusing due to grammatical errors.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score, ensure all main points are well-supported and clearly articulated. The essay occasionally lacked clarity in argument and reasoning.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of different factors influencing a child's growth.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, which helps guide the reader through the essay effectively.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the Oxford University investigation, have been used to support points, adding to the essay's credibility.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: