IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #support #artists #painters #musicians #alternative #sources
There is a debate over whether governments should invest their money in creative individuals
such
 as artists or musicians.
While
 others think it is a wasteful contribution
due to
 the limited funds in the national treasury, I lean towards the positive side, believing that
this
 investment can create more sources of income for the area. A minority of people think there is a vast array of issues that governments should prioritize over art and music. Creative activities are often seen as merely providing entertainment and aesthetic value to society, without contributing any deeper significance.Funds from the treasury should be allocated to address ongoing crises
such
 as poverty, disasters, or the needs of rural areas. Since each country has a limited budget, allocating funds for creative
endeavors
Change the spelling
endeavours
show examples
 can cause significant confusion among citizens. From my opposing viewpoint, people should support the arts, particularly public masterpieces and statues, based on their economic potential.
While
 creativity does not directly generate income, it can leverage excitement and attraction to draw more visitors, benefiting other relevant sectors significantly.To illustrate, the Robot Statue at Thiso Shopping Mall, located in District 2, is recognized not only as a keyhook for its brand but
also
 as a means to increase income for
this
 location by attracting a wide array of visitors and consumers. In conclusion, there is no reason why artists should seek alternative financial support
instead
 of relying on government funding, especially when their works can offer a vast array of benefits to the nation.
Submitted by hoagloc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
To improve in coherence and cohesion, focus on linking your ideas more clearly and seamlessly. This can include transitional phrases that guide the reader through your arguments and a more cohesive use of examples that directly support your point of view.
Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure every paragraph clearly contributes to your overall argument. This includes directly answering the prompt, thoroughly discussing both views before giving your own opinion, and providing clear, well-developed examples that illustrate your points.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument, providing a clear stance that responds to the prompt.
Content
You've shown a good level of task achievement by discussing both views and providing your own opinion, along with relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!