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Band 6

Many psychologists believe that social media is the main reason for stress of people in the modern life. Do you agree?

#psychologists #media #reason #stress #people #life
Recently, the behaviour of modern society has been influenced by social
media
due to
 social
networks
 cannot be separated on a daily basis
such
 as texting your friends, finding new
information
, getting money and others.
Then
,
this
 phenomenon makes many psychologists think that nowadays social
media
 is a vital problem for boosting
people
’s
stress
. I fully agree with the expertise psychology stated.
To begin
 with, even though social
media
 has many essential things in a positive way,
nevertheless
 a lot of
people
 use social
media
 excessively which triggers mental health
such
 as
stress
. It is mainly because social
networks
 are designed to be attractive,
hence
 they
also
 build an addiction to use them. It is related to time-consuming
such
 as disrupting sleep hours, procrastinating all the tasks and so on because scrolling to losing track of time. If
this
 activity is done on a daily basis, it will impact productivity and be able to create
stress
 for social
media
 users.
Furthermore
, speeding
information
 with no filtering
also
 determines the
stress
 level of
people
. The up-to-date and huge
information
 every second is the culture of social
networks
 to
this
 day. It is mainly because there are
people
 who are ready for that just consuming all the
information
 without trying to criticization or find a fact of the
information
. Regarding
this
, it will become stressful if the minds get overloaded, it affects concentration and bothers productivity too. In conclusion, the digital era nowadays has a positive impact,
however
, the
stress
 that
people
 experience today is because of social
media
. The lack of productivity since using social
networks
 will bring
stress
 problems.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay generally maintains a logical structure, but you would benefit from clearer paragraphing and more distinct transitions to guide the reader through your points effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed the main task and presented clear ideas, but try to develop them further. Include more detailed examples to fully support your arguments and strengthen your viewpoint.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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