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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many psychologists believe that social media is the main reason for stress of people in the modern life. Do you agree?

#psychologists #media #reason #stress #people #life
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Recently, the behaviour of modern society has been influenced by social
media
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due to
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 social
networks
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 cannot be separated on a daily basis
such
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 as texting your friends, finding new
information
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, getting money and others.
Then
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,
this
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 phenomenon makes many psychologists think that nowadays social
media
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 is a vital problem for boosting
people
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’s
stress
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. I fully agree with the expertise psychology stated.
To begin
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 with, even though social
media
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 has many essential things in a positive way,
nevertheless
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 a lot of
people
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 use social
media
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 excessively which triggers mental health
such
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 as
stress
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. It is mainly because social
networks
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 are designed to be attractive,
hence
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 they
also
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 build an addiction to use them. It is related to time-consuming
such
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 as disrupting sleep hours, procrastinating all the tasks and so on because scrolling to losing track of time. If
this
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 activity is done on a daily basis, it will impact productivity and be able to create
stress
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 for social
media
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 users.
Furthermore
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, speeding
information
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 with no filtering
also
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 determines the
stress
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 level of
people
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. The up-to-date and huge
information
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 every second is the culture of social
networks
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 to
this
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 day. It is mainly because there are
people
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 who are ready for that just consuming all the
information
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 without trying to criticization or find a fact of the
information
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. Regarding
this
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, it will become stressful if the minds get overloaded, it affects concentration and bothers productivity too. In conclusion, the digital era nowadays has a positive impact,
however
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, the
stress
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 that
people
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 experience today is because of social
media
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. The lack of productivity since using social
networks
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 will bring
stress
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 problems.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay generally maintains a logical structure, but you would benefit from clearer paragraphing and more distinct transitions to guide the reader through your points effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed the main task and presented clear ideas, but try to develop them further. Include more detailed examples to fully support your arguments and strengthen your viewpoint.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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