IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Write about the following topic: As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#topic #internet #newspapers
Newspapers
 are
considering
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
 as a past trend with the popularity of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
. I will agree with the statement to promote
sustainable
Add an article
a sustainable
show examples
environment
 and better utilization of
resources
 as a part of responsible citizenship.
Firstly
,
newspapers
 are
by-product
Fix the agreement mistake
by-products
show examples
 of paper which is
then
 recycled
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 plays a role in generating carbon footprints which negatively impact the
environment
.
Government
Add an article
The government
show examples
 announced certain
compaigns
Correct your spelling
campaigns
 and policies to promote technological advancement
instead
 of using
papers
Fix the agreement mistake
paper
show examples
.
For example
, to reduce carbon emissions, paperless Pakistan is a part of
Correct article usage
the clean
show examples
clean
Capitalize word
Clean
show examples
 and
green
Capitalize word
Green
show examples
 Pakistan
compaign
Correct your spelling
campaign
 on the basis of which tax benefits have been provided to the
people
 with card payments over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cash/paper payments. In the same way,
paperless
Correct article usage
a paperless
show examples
 strategy is one step towards
sustainable
Add an article
a sustainable
show examples
environment
.
Secondly
, producing
newspapers
 requires extensive setup and
resources
 in terms of budgeting, workforce,
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
, etc. Against
such
 utilization of huge
resources
,
people
 do not bother to buy
newspapers
 in
this
 era of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and technology.
For example
, everyone has an
android
Capitalize word
Android
show examples
 phone with
internet
 that can be used for watching
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 news and social media updates whenever they want with spending zero money on it.
Then
, why
people
 would go
for buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
newspapers
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
People
 do not have enough time to sit
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
table
Add an article
a table
show examples
 specifically for reading
newspapers
 even if they watch or read the same thing on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 at whatever the place is. With the popularity of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
,
newspapers
 are becoming an old-fashioned thing. I agreed with the statement as
people
 are moving towards
sustainable
Correct article usage
a sustainable
show examples
environment
 and
resources
 in terms of cost,
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
, time, etc.
Submitted by nida.naeem64 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance the flow of your essay. While your sentences are clear, more complex structures can add sophistication.
coherence cohesion
Ensure subject-verb agreement and check for plural/singular forms to avoid small grammatical inaccuracies.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, include more detailed examples and evidence. The example of 'paperless Pakistan' is good, but adding more examples from different contexts could provide a more comprehensive view.
coherence cohesion
Work on your essay's organization by clearly separating ideas into paragraphs with distinct themes. This will help in making your argument more coherent and easier for the reader to follow.
task achievement
Enhance your introduction and conclusion. Introduce the topic succinctly and state your opinion more clearly in the introduction. Summarize your main points effectively in the conclusion for a stronger impact.
task achievement
You've made a clear stance on the topic, which is good for task response.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant examples, enhancing the argument.
coherence cohesion
You maintained a clear focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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