IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

The restoration of old buildings in major cities in the world costs numerous government's expenditure. This money should be used in new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Government spending in big cities was allocated to various development projects , especially for old buildings renovation. It was suggested that those budgets should be paid for new housing and the transportation system
instead
.
This
 essay agrees with the suggestion because infrastructures have a direct impact on
people
's life quality.
First,
the advantage of having well-structured transportation systems is the increase in
city
 expansion ability. Normally, the business centres
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and important places are mostly located in the
city
. As
such
, the population of
people
 living in the
city
 is always higher than in urban areas. Resources and living spaces are limited, so
people
 have to pay higher rents even though they receive an average level of quality standard. In
this
 case, the transportation system plays an important role. If it is convenient,
people
 can live outside the
city
 centre
while
 they can still travel to their workplaces daily.
In addition
, the financial support for housing is
also
 crucial. It can reduce the number of homeless who can be found along the road, improve the image of cities and enhance the security standard.
On the other hand
, the renovation of old constructions doesn’t have significant impacts on citizens. They can be maintained if it’s for cultural and historical support.
However
, the budget should not be higher than the infrastructure as mentioned earlier.
Furthermore
, if the spaces where they are located can be transformed and used for other purposes, the government may consider removing them
instead
 of keeping them.
To conclude
, roads and houses are more important for residences in the
city
 than old buildings. The government should spend money to develop better
people
’s life quality.
Submitted by Punpun on

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Introduction Structure
Make sure your introduction clearly presents your stance on the argument and outlines the points you will discuss.
Use of Linking Words
Consider using a wider range of linking words to enhance coherence between sentences and paragraphs.
Supporting Examples
To strengthen the argument, include more specific examples and data that highlight the benefits of new housing and road development over the restoration of old buildings.
Sentence Clarity
Revise any sentences that might seem overly complex or unclear to ensure maximum clarity and readability.
Clear Argument
Your essay well explains the advantages of prioritizing infrastructure over the renovation of old buildings, providing a clear stance.
Logical Structure
The structure of your essay, with distinct paragraphs for each main point, enhances the logical flow and makes it easy to follow.
Effective Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main arguments and restates your position.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tangible links
  • cultural heritage
  • architectural styles
  • identity and continuity
  • economic benefits
  • tourism
  • local economies
  • property values
  • investment
  • existing materials and structures
  • sustainable
  • environmental consciousness
  • modern infrastructure
  • stagnation
  • declining living standards
  • balancing
  • historical preservation
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