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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the art and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #government #money #art
It is thought by some that the states should spend
money
 on the art
while
 others say it is better to
use
 it to improve other parts in the countries. I strongly disagree with
this
 viewpoint, the reasons will be outlined in the following paragraphs before a conclusion is reached.
To begin
 with, the government should apply the
money
 to develop other parts,
for instance
, the public transportation system in the main cities which is essential in their communities. It is undeniable that their citizens who do not own their personal cars
use
this
 system to commute from their homes to their workplaces or to their destinations. At present, public transportation
such
 as buses or trains is
now out-of-dated
Correct word choice
outdated
show examples
 and has a bad outlook,
furthermore
, their engines are old and emit a gas that affects to ozone layers and causes greenhouse effects to the earth. These are the main points why dwellers do not want to
use
 it and need to be alleviated.
Additionally
, the states need to spend
money
 to help poor people. As an increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 poverty in the countries becomes one of the issues, the government must
use
 the
money
 to address
this
 problem to show sympathy and provide them with a sense of purpose.
For example
, authorities can launch a donation charity that can give some daily devices or appliances
such
 as fridges, microwaves or rice cookers.
Moreover
, they can launch a campaign to construct accommodations for the homeless. All in all, I strongly disagree with the idea that the government is going to spend
money
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art which is not significant compared to the public transport system
that is
 mainly used in our daily lives.
In addition
, They can operate the
money
 to tackle poverty in their countries that have been increasing nowadays.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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Argument Structure
Ensure a balanced approach in your argument, covering both sides if the question suggests a comparative discussion.
Introduction
Consider refining your introduction to better paraphrase the question and clearly state your opinion.
Language Use
Incorporate more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance your writing.
Supporting Evidence
Use specific examples to support your arguments, referencing studies or statistics where possible for a stronger impact.
Position
Your essay provides a clear stance and concludes effectively.
Organization
Good use of paragraphs to organize your ideas.
Flow
You have provided a logical flow of ideas which makes your argument easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
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  • quality of life
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  • sustainable development
  • accountability
  • extravagant
  • resilience
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