In some countries, people these days spend little time with their children. What are the causes of this? Whome does this affect more, parents or children?
Nowadays, being busy with work and spending less
time
with Use synonyms
children
has become common in Use synonyms
this
world and has to impact on Linking Words
children
. I will discuss Use synonyms
this
topic in upcoming paragraphs.
Linking Words
To begin
with, the advancement of the world and technology causes people to be busy working and have very little Linking Words
time
to spend with their Use synonyms
children
. Use synonyms
For example
, now both Linking Words
parents
are working to increase their income and live a luxurious life in future which the Use synonyms
children
are suffering because they hire a caregiver or take care of their offspring. Use synonyms
Therefore
, Linking Words
children
adopt technology and spend the whole Use synonyms
time
playing with computers, and mobile devices Use synonyms
such
as video games.
Linking Words
Furthermore
, Linking Words
this
reason would impact on mentallyLinking Words
and
unaware of the traditions and culture of the society. Correct word choice
apply
For instance
, when Linking Words
children
spend the whole day with other people and on the computer Use synonyms
then
how will they know about their traditions and cultural values? Linking Words
Due to
Linking Words
this
fact, many people forget their norms Linking Words
values
in Correct word choice
and values
this
society. Linking Words
In addition
, Linking Words
although
families live under one roof Linking Words
children
start to feel Use synonyms
strangers
to their Change preposition
like strangers
parents
even though they hesitate to share their feelings and emotions which affects their minds. At some point, conflicts and disputes started between the Use synonyms
parents
and Use synonyms
children
.
In conclusion, spending little Use synonyms
time
with offspring creates differences between them if it is not balanced. Use synonyms
Parents
are the only ones who Use synonyms
teaches
the lesson of life so, they should spend Change the verb form
teach
time
with their Use synonyms
children
and teach them discipline and manners as well.Use synonyms
Submitted by AP on
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Introduction
Try to provide a clearer introduction that outlines the main causes and impacts discussed in the essay to guide the reader.
Paragraph Structure
Organize your paragraphs more effectively by dedicating specific paragraphs to causes, impacts on children, impacts on parents, and possible solutions for a more structured argument.
Connecting Ideas
To enhance coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly between and within paragraphs.
Supporting Examples
Incorporate more specific examples to support your points. Real-world examples or hypothetical situations can make your arguments more compelling.
Grammar and Accuracy
Be mindful of grammatical errors and work on improving your sentence structure for clearer expression of ideas.
Conclusion
Consider developing a more nuanced conclusion that not only summarizes the main points but also potentially offers insights or recommendations for improvement.
Task Achievement
You've addressed both parts of the question regarding the causes and whom it affects more, showing a good understanding of the task.
Understanding of Topic
Your essay reflects an awareness of the topic's importance and attempts to discuss its complexities.
Attempt at Cohesion
You've made an effort to connect your ideas, though using more varied and sophisticated linking words could improve cohesion.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...