Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Technological advancements have opened the door to social media and limitless sources of information. As of now, a simple smartphone can do wonders for entertainment. With a captivating source of media and entertainment, it is no wonder that
children
can spend hours every day on their smartphones just to quell their boredom, even more than adults with their lack of responsibilities. While
this
is a good way to keep children
occupied, there are other valid health and safety concerns in the minds of many.
To begin
with, the internet through the use of smartphones is an open door to creative resources, learning opportunities, and many more that can benefit children
’s development. Social media can encourage them to be more innovative and practice their critical thinking and other skills they would otherwise
not learn at school. This
method of communication can let children
stay connected with their family and friends, allowing them to make new ones along the way.
On the other hand
, the internet is a space where everyone; both adults and children
, can travel indiscriminately. Interaction with anyone can happen, even with those of harmful intentions. Letting children
go about their way without proper supervision can be the same as letting them roam a minefield. Not to mention
the health concerns connected to the exposure to light from the screen and the posture a child typically has when focused on their phones. While
these can be solved with parental supervision, a child spending hours every day is simply impossible to monitor with a parent’s tight schedule of responsibilities.
In conclusion, despite the advantages thanks to the internet’s storage of information, the possible harms
a smartphone can cause to an uneducated child is a proper concernChange the verb form
harm
Submitted by kelly on
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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific apps or types of content that children spend time on, and discuss real-life instances or studies that highlight the impact of smartphone use on children.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the conclusion paragraph is fully developed to encapsulate the entire argument presented. Currently, it ends somewhat abruptly and could better summarize your insights while reinforcing the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen coherence, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For example, you might add transitional sentences at the end of each paragraph to link them more fluidly.
task achievement
Your essay's introduction is strong, but the thesis statement could be clearer in stating your position on whether this trend is positive or negative. This would make your argument more focused and easier to follow.
language use
Your vocabulary and varied sentence structures are impressive and enhance the readability of the essay.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets the stage, engaging the reader and setting a clear context for the discussion.
task achievement
You've presented a balanced view, addressing both the positives and negatives of children spending time on smartphones. This balanced approach adds depth to your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.