Today, some young people say that their mobile phones are the most important thing they own. Do you think that the popularity of mobile phones is a good or bad thing?

Presently, technology advances way quicker than a majority of humanity can keep up with ,
thus
, significantly increasing the technological incorporation between humans and their cell
phones
. In the contemporary world, it is important to acknowledge that mobile
phones
have become an indispensable part of our daily lives, especially for the younger generation. It is my contention that
this
trend is a multifaceted phenomenon encompassing both positive and negative implications for juveniles. First and foremost, after the invention of mobile
phones
, the market demand has constantly been increasing, attributable to the multitudinous benefits that they provide. In today's world, mobile
phones
have become an integral part of younger individuals, offering them full flexibility and overarching control over their daily routines. To cite an example, now with a click of a screen, children can easily handle their basic needs without even spending a considerable amount of
time
.
Consequently
, the ease of access and effectiveness of services will make life easier for juveniles so that they can devote more
time
towards their educational improvement.
On the other hand
, unfortunately, people who have higher screen
time
are likely to develop a cell phone addiction which perpetually captivates users' attention.
Furthermore
, now that youngsters are rigorously exposed to social media through their
phones
, they fall victim to global trends on platforms
such
as Tik-Tok, Instagram and Facebook.
For example
, spending too much
time
scrolling through internet materials can undermine eyesight to a greater extent.
Moreover
, another demerit of using smartphones relates to turning adolescents into introverts since they will likely isolate themselves from their counterparts. In conclusion,
while
mobile
phones
play a crucial role in ensuring uninterrupted communication
as well as
facilitating the daily lives of youngsters, the ramifications of telephone overuse trigger adverse effects on their physical and social well-being.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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task achievement
Expand on your examples by providing more detailed scenarios or statistics to further illustrate your points, which could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Try to engage with the prompt more critically by reflecting on the broader implications or possible futures based on current trends.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a balance between your paragraphs in terms of length and depth of analysis to maintain a smooth flow of ideas.
task achievement
Your essay effectively covers both sides of the issue, providing a balanced viewpoint.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively framing your essay's argument.
coherence and cohesion
You have structured your essay logically, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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