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Band 7.5

Write about the following topic: Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#topic #people #success #career #education
Majority of the
people
 try to become successful through their careers or
education
. In
this
 essay, I will describe the meaning of
success
 for different
people
 and in the end, present my viewpoint on
success
.
Firstly
, there is no pre-defined definition of
success
 as different
people
 have their own perspectives on
success
. There are different explorations of
success
 in the lives of
people
.
For example
,
people
 are happy and feel successful when they meet their basic needs of life and live happily with their family.
This
 happy life is a
success
 for them. In the same way, some
people
 feel successful after making sacrifices to maintain their relationships.
In addition
 to
this
, to achieve career goals or to get higher qualifications becomes a
success
 for many individuals. But in the materialistic world, financial stability is considered the core element of
success
 as it is regarded as a symbol of happiness, strength, respect, etc. Following the above discussion, for me,
success
 is happiness
that is
 achieved through meeting career goals and
education
 with the full support of family members,
as a result
, it leads towards financial stability after many years of struggling or hard work.
For example
, for me,
success
 means to get something after my hard work and struggle either in the form of
education
, a good job or successful relationships.
To sum up
, fulfilment of basic needs, living a happy life with siblings and parents, sacrifices to maintain relationships,
education
, and career goals
along with
 financial stability are the meanings of
success
 for different
people
.
However
, in my view,
success
 means to get anything after hard work on my behalf with the support of my family to become a qualified or successful person.
Submitted by nida.naeem64 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Great job in presenting a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your main ideas on success. To further enhance clarity, consider varying your sentence structures and incorporating smoother transitions between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
You've made a solid attempt to address all parts of the task, effectively sharing your definition of success and supporting it with personal insights. To aim for a higher score, expand your range of examples, drawing from wider societal or historical contexts.
Structural Coherence
Your essay has a commendable structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that guide the reader through your discussion.
Topic Understanding
You have a good grasp of the topic, providing a nuanced discussion that considers different perspectives on success.
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