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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#people #success #career #education
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Majority of the
people
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 try to become successful through their careers or
education
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. In
this
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 essay, I will describe the meaning of
success
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 for different
people
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 and in the end, present my viewpoint on
success
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.
Firstly
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, there is no pre-defined definition of
success
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 as different
people
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 have their own perspectives on
success
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. There are different explorations of
success
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 in the lives of
people
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.
For example
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,
people
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 are happy and feel successful when they meet their basic needs of life and live happily with their family.
This
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 happy life is a
success
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 for them. In the same way, some
people
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 feel successful after making sacrifices to maintain their relationships.
In addition
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 to
this
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, to achieve career goals or to get higher qualifications becomes a
success
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 for many individuals. But in the materialistic world, financial stability is considered the core element of
success
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 as it is regarded as a symbol of happiness, strength, respect, etc. Following the above discussion, for me,
success
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 is happiness
that is
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 achieved through meeting career goals and
education
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 with the full support of family members,
as a result
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, it leads towards financial stability after many years of struggling or hard work.
For example
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, for me,
success
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 means to get something after my hard work and struggle either in the form of
education
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, a good job or successful relationships.
To sum up
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, fulfilment of basic needs, living a happy life with siblings and parents, sacrifices to maintain relationships,
education
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, and career goals
along with
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 financial stability are the meanings of
success
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 for different
people
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.
However
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, in my view,
success
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 means to get anything after hard work on my behalf with the support of my family to become a qualified or successful person.
Submitted by nida.naeem64 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Great job in presenting a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your main ideas on success. To further enhance clarity, consider varying your sentence structures and incorporating smoother transitions between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
You've made a solid attempt to address all parts of the task, effectively sharing your definition of success and supporting it with personal insights. To aim for a higher score, expand your range of examples, drawing from wider societal or historical contexts.
Structural Coherence
Your essay has a commendable structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that guide the reader through your discussion.
Topic Understanding
You have a good grasp of the topic, providing a nuanced discussion that considers different perspectives on success.
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