There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The issue of the children’s academic success is strongly debated these days. Some
people
think that non-academic disciplines
should be removed from the course to make young people
more concentrated on academic subjects
. I tend to disagree with this
opinion, as I think that both academic and non-academic subjects
evolve students. In this
essay, I will try to reveal my point of view and support it with examples from my personal experience.
Firstly
, schools are made to raise a whole personality and not only academic know-it-all. Subjects
like physical training and cookery help children to
master skills that are Verb problem
apply
life essential
. Add a hyphen
life-essential
Moreover
, these disciplines
tend to become more important and useful rather than academics like chemistry for some of the students.
Secondly
, if non-academic subjects
are removed, it does not mean a decrease inressure
on young Correct your spelling
pressure
in pressure
people
. What I mean by that is
that the time released from physical training and cookery might be loaded with more advanced academic courses that, eventually, will put a lot more pressure on students than before, so things might get worse.
However
, I do think that there might be benefits to removing non-academic subjects
from coursework. For example
, there are many science-oriented schools nowadays that specialize only in academic courses, such
as math and physics. In this
case, young people
might not need non-academic subjects
as they are not their main focus, so these disciplines
only take their time away. However
, I would still consider not removing
.
In conclusion, as there are controversial opinions on the matter of removing some Correct pronoun usage
removing it
disciplines
to decrease academic pressure, I think there is a
prosperity in saving both non-academic and academic Remove the article
apply
subjects
for better personal development.Submitted by anastasiia19spb on
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specific examples
Try to include a wider range of specific examples to support your arguments more effectively. While your points are well-made, additional examples and evidence could enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
counterarguments exploration
Consider exploring counterarguments more deeply to further strengthen your position. Presenting and refuting opposition can demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
essay structure
You’ve done an excellent job of structuring your essay logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
position clarity
Your position is clear and maintained throughout the essay, indicating strong task achievement.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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