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Band 6.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
There is no denying the fact that many
kids
 spend
hours
 each day on screen time.
This
 essay will discuss the reasons beyond
this
 and evaluate whether it is a positive or negative development for individuals and society as a whole.
To begin
 with, there are many reasons for children spending
hours
 on their
smartphones
.
Firstly
, addiction has become common with digital natives to spend several
hours
 browsing a variety of social media platforms.
In other words
, parental control ought to have a means to encourage their
kids
 with various activities.
In addition
, the newest generations need to follow modern technology to contribute a wide knowledge in several aspects of life.
For example
, a variety of schools started presenting their courses online to put students on standby for any complications
such
 as
COVID-19
Correct article usage
the COVID-19
show examples
 pandemic In 2020. In terms of spending
hours
 on
smartphones
 may offer certain advantages, but it
also
 brings two potential negative consequences. it is detrimental mental and physical ability of
kids
 in the long term. It is
also
 possible to say that utilizing cyberbullying for several
hours
 decreases and affects Productivity.
Moreover
, it has a significant impact on
kids
' communication skills by making them socially isolated.
For instance
, a survey published In 2023 by The University of Oxford showed the crucial drawback influence of
smartphones
 on children compared to others who encourage social life activities. In conclusion, there are many reasons for
this
 issue and children prefer to spend time on their
smartphones
 as a digital native. it is
also
 true that it offers certain negativity not only for Individuals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 But for the whole society.
Submitted by zaidamrat5 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure your essay directly addresses every part of the task. While you've covered the reasons why children spend hours on smartphones and discussed the consequences, connecting these points more explicitly to the question of whether this is a positive or negative development would strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your paragraphs with one main idea each, supported by specific examples or further explanation. This clarity will enhance your essay's coherence and make your argument more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to avoid incomplete sentences or thoughts, especially towards the end of the essay. Each paragraph should be fully developed and closed neatly.
Introduction
Your introduction provides a clear overview of the essay's direction, effectively setting up the discussion.
Supported Main Points
Good use of example related to COVID-19 pandemic and its impact on online learning, showing relevance to the argument.
Task Achievement
You maintained a clear focus on the theme throughout the essay, which is essential for task achievement.
Logical Structure
The structured approach to paragraphs, with each one dedicated to a specific aspect of the topic, helped in maintaining logical flow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
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