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Band 7.5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, abd have health problems as a result. Why do man working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #abd #health #man
In today's fast-paced society, a number of workers are struggling to spend
time
 on physical
activities
. It is happening
due to
 the hectic work schedules and electronic gadgets.
This
 issue can be managed by strict work regulations and maintaining their routine
activities
. One of the main reasons for the lack of exercise in the life of workers is the busy schedule. It is because of expensive livelihood. They run behind extra working
hours
 to maintain their financial stability.
As a result
 of prolonged working
hours
, they do not have enough
time
 for a workout.
For example
, most students who take loans for their higher studies are in the situation to pay back the amount within the period by doing part-
time
 work or additional jobs.
Moreover
, individuals are mostly dependent on technology for their daily
activities
such
 as laundry machines, cars and more.
For instance
, a couple of decades earlier, individuals prefer to walk for a few miles
instead
 of using a bike to get a small number of items from the market. To deal with
this
 obstacle, humans need to understand the importance of physical training.
Firstly
, the Government should promote outdoor
activities
 for the well-being and an active lifestyle of society.
In addition
, the authorities
also
 should implement strict working rules to avoid working overtime.
Moreover
, individuals should prioritise their health over money-making jobs. If a person is not cured, it might be hard for him to focus on tasks. They should maintain their daily routine to steal a little
time
 for exercise. For illustration, my College has a gym,which can be accessed by all the Scholars at any
time
 during study
hours
 to save
time
 but
also
 to gain health free of cost.
To conclude
, daily exercise is diminishing from the life people because of a busy lifestyle and lack of awareness. It can be resolved by applying some methods
such
 as free information and flexible working
hours
.
Submitted by manipreet1217 on

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linking words
Consider expanding your range of linking phrases to enhance coherence. Using a variety of conjunctions and discourse markers can strengthen the connection between your ideas.
language variety
Try to avoid repetition of ideas and phrases, and instead introduce more synonyms and paraphrasing to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary and create a more engaging text.
developing examples
Work on developing your examples further to provide a stronger support for your arguments. Clear, detailed examples can significantly boost the persuasiveness of your points.
structure
Your essay structure is clear, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in presenting your argument effectively.
task response
You successfully addressed all parts of the task, providing clear answers to the prompt through a logical presentation of ideas.
use of examples
The inclusion of examples, although they could be expanded, helps in supporting your main points and makes your argument more convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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