IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?. give reasons and examples . write 250 words.

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There is no denying the fact that
people
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’s
health
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 plays a very crucial role in their lives.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that the
health
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 of humanity is probably to deteriorate in the future compared to it now, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
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 view.
To begin
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 with,
health
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 is the backbone of all
people
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, but nowadays, it is exposed to various types of risks compared to past conditions, which makes it more vulnerable to various kinds of diseases.
In other words
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,
as a result
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 of the cutting-edge technology in our era, individuals can do most of their work, either sitting at home or in
office
Correct article usage
the office
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, so they adopt a sedentary lifestyle, which is considered a major risk for illnesses like diabetes.
In addition
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, scientific progress in chemistry, and biology prompts researchers to perform some experiments, which cause
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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hazards to our
health
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.
For example
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,
COVID-19
Correct article usage
the COVID-19
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 virus has killed many
people
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, and we still suffer from its negative impacts. Another point to consider is the environmental conditions, which have a great effect on our
health
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. It is
also
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 possible to say that, if the natural habitat is polluted or disturbed, the
health
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 of all creatures even folks will be harmed.
Moreover
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, many developed countries compete with each other to make atomic weapons, and they do not think about their dangerous impacts on the
health
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 of inhabitants.
For instance
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, gas emissions that come from atomic bombs can affect negatively future generations, which is approved by different research. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views, I believe that the
health
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 of individuals will be in danger because the governments and
people
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 do not look after the
health
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or
Correct your spelling
of
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 the environment.

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Structure
Ensure a clear and coherent argument structure throughout your essay. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples.
Language
Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures and transitions to enhance the flow of your essay. This will also make your argument more persuasive and engaging.
Tone
Be mindful of maintaining a formal tone throughout your essay. Avoid colloquial language and ensure that your vocabulary and grammar reflect a high level of English.
Support
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.
Task Response
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, offering a clear stance and reasoned arguments to support your view.
Coherence
You've organized your essay well, with a clear introduction and conclusion, as well as logically structured body paragraphs.
Example Use
You've successfully used relevant examples to support some of your points, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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