IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some feel that governments should prioritize healthcare instead of other important areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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A prosperous society comes from a
country
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 that has good
healthcare
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. Some feel
healthcare
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 should be prioritized over other areas,
such
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 as
education
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 or the
economy
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. I personally disagree with
this
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 notion, and I will elaborate on why in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, the reason why I disagree is that there are other things no less important than
healthcare
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,
for
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example
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,
education
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.
Education
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 is the main key to the progress of the
country
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. A good
education
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 system will create superior human resources and make a
country
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 advanced. good quality
education
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 can
also
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 be able to support
healthcare
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 in producing individuals who have knowledge and experience of
health
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.
Conversely
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, the lower the quality of a
country
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's
education
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 system, the more underdeveloped the
country
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 will be and so will
healthcare
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.
For
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example
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, Finland is one of the countries with the best
education
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 system. Another reason why I disagree is that The
economy
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 is the foundation for a
country
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's development. focusing on
health
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 can overlook the importance of a strong
economy
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. A strong
economy
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 can
also
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 create jobs, reduce unemployment rates and build the
country
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's infrastructure,
for
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example
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, toll roads.
This
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 can increase the
country
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's income through taxes. continuing to pay attention to the development of the
country
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's income, can
also
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 be allocated funds to facilitate
health
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.
For
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example
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, a
country
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 that has a stable income allocates funds to buy
health
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 technology. In conclusion, I disagree with
this
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 statement because other fields
also
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 have an important role and should be maintained not only in
healthcare
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,
for
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example
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,
education
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 and the
economy
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. If
this
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 is done
then
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 a
country
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 can develop if all important sectors are given priority without discrimination.

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Structure and Variety
Though your approach and structure are commendable, varying your sentence structures more could enhance readability and flow.
Lexical Resource
Integrating more complex vocabulary and phrases relevant to the topic could further demonstrate your language proficiency.
Developing Arguments
To enhance your arguments, consider providing more detailed and specific examples from a wider range of sources.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your essay does a good job in introducing and concluding your arguments on why healthcare shouldn't be prioritized over education and economy.
Logical Structure
You have maintained a clear logical progression in your essay which aids in understanding your stance and arguments.
Supporting Examples
The inclusion of examples, such as the reference to Finland's education system, effectively supports your main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal healthcare
  • preventive medicine
  • public health infrastructure
  • social determinants of health
  • fiscal allocation
  • government expenditure
  • gross domestic product (GDP)
  • life expectancy
  • pandemic preparedness
  • health equity
  • social safety net
  • holistic approach
  • non-communicable diseases
  • cross-sector collaboration
  • socioeconomic status
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