Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions

Nowadays, people tend to let their

children

make their own

decisions

on everyday activities. Some people believe that it affects them to become citizens that parents allow their

children

to make choices. On the one hand, allowing offspring to make their own

decisions

has two key advantages. Becoming an independent adult and learning life skills.

Firstly

kids

become independent because they are not getting help from any adult. These

children

mostly grow up as mature adults who know their abilities and values. With

this

advantage, they will be successful and talented employees in the work field.

Secondly

, if

children

start experiencing new things

such

as food and clothing. They will know which item suits them and which is not suitable for them at an early age. It is an excellent choice for parents to let their

kids

pick their daily matters.

On the other hand

, allowing

kids

to make their own

decisions

also

has two drawbacks.

Children

will become spoiled and

this

behavior will affect their school and friendship life. Their teachers and friends might get a bad impression about them.

Furthermore

, when they reach their adulthood they might not lose

this

attitude. They will not learn that they can’t get everything they wished for. Their

children

may

also

imitate

this

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

. Letting

kids

choose everyday items has huge drawbacks in their future lives. In conclusion, despite its disadvantages, I strongly agree that parents should allow their offspring to make their

personal

Correct word choice

own personal

show examples

decisions

Therefore

, they can make a great society of individuals.

Submitted by buyabuya201 on Sat May 04 2024

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Task Achievement

To enhance clarity and depth in your essay, consider integrating more varied and detailed examples to strengthen your arguments. This addition will enrich your discussion and provide concrete support for your viewpoints.

Coherence and Cohesion

For an even more cohesive text, try using a wider range of linking words and phrases that connect ideas and paragraphs together more smoothly. This will help your essay flow better and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.

Content

Your essay effectively outlines the advantages and disadvantages of allowing children to make their own decisions, providing a balanced view on the topic.

Structure

You have successfully presented a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your discussion and summarizing your stance on the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

252 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Autonomy
Consequence-awareness
Self-centered
Informal decision-making education
Child development
Age-appropriate choices
Cognitive growth
Fostering independence
Parental guidance
Societal norms
Interpersonal consideration
Balance of freedom
Individualism versus collectivism
Experience-based learning

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