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Writing Samples
Band 7

Young people committing crimes should be treated the same as adults by the authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #crimes #adults #authorities
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The assertion that young people who commit crimes should be treated the same as
adults
Use synonyms
 by authorities is a subject of considerable debate. I largely disagree with
this
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 viewpoint, as juveniles possess unique psychological and developmental characteristics that necessitate a distinct approach within the
justice
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 system.
Firstly
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, adolescents are in a critical stage of cognitive and emotional development. Their decision-making abilities, impulse control, and understanding of consequences are not fully matured. Scientific research indicates that the prefrontal cortex, which governs reasoning and judgment, continues to develop well into the mid-twenties.
Therefore
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, holding young
offenders
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 to the same standards as
adults
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 does not account for their developmental stage and their greater potential for change and rehabilitation.
Secondly
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, the primary focus of juvenile
justice
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 systems is rehabilitation rather than punishment. Treating young
offenders
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 as
adults
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 often leads to harsher penalties, which can have detrimental effects on their prospects for reintegration into society. Exposure to the adult criminal system can increase the likelihood of recidivism, as youths may become hardened by the punitive environment. Age-appropriate interventions,
on the other hand
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, can address the underlying issues contributing to criminal
behavior
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behaviour
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 and support the offender's development into a responsible adult.
However
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, it can be argued that in cases of severe or violent crimes, treating young
offenders
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 as
adults
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 may be justified to ensure
justice
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 and public safety.
Such
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 exceptions highlight the need for a flexible approach that considers the nature of the
offense
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offence
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 alongside the offender's age. In conclusion,
while
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 there may be exceptional situations where adult treatment is warranted, generally, young
offenders
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 should not be treated identically to
adults
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. A
justice
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 system that recognizes
the
Correct article usage
apply
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developmental differences and focuses on rehabilitation is more effective in addressing youth crime and fostering positive societal outcomes.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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relevant specific examples
While your essay is well-argued and your points are clearly articulated, including a few specific examples or statistics would help to strengthen your argument. For instance, referencing studies that demonstrate the development of the adolescent brain or citing specific reform programs that have successfully rehabilitated young offenders would add depth to your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion would be even stronger if you reiterated the main points you made in the body paragraphs briefly before synthesizing them into your final statement. This helps to reinforce your argument for the reader.
logical structure
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, making it easy to follow your argument from the introduction to the conclusion.
introduction conclusion present
You provide a thorough introduction and conclusion that frame your argument well. Your closing statement succinctly encapsulates your viewpoint without being repetitive.
supported main points
The main points within your essay are well-supported and logically presented. You effectively discuss the cognitive and emotional development of adolescents and how it impacts their behavior and rehabilitation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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