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Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many museums charge for admission whiles others are free. Do you think the advantage charging for admission outweigh the disadvantage

#museums #charge #admission #whiles #advantage
It is thought by some people that
museums
 should not charge their attendees for admission fees and let them in freely like some
museums
.
However
, some individuals say it is acceptable to be charged. In the following paragraphs,
this
 issue will be outlined before reaching my opinion. On the one hand, the money
that is
 paid by attendees will be used to develop a
museum
 quality. in the first place, inside the buildings, there are a lot of prestigious and valuable things
such
 as books or historical evidence so they need to spend their money on security systems.
For example
, CCTVs or motion sensor recognition inside the buildings in order to protect their properties. In the second place, using cash to hire informants to explain about the
museum
 and antiques is worthwhile. Many attendees are going to
museums
 in order to study about the cultures and those value things.
On the other hand
, there are some reasons why
museums
 do not charge any participation fee.
Firstly
, They think that everybody comes to the
museum
 to learn about the history, so it would be open freely to let them understand the traditions and cultures.
Secondly
, many important
museums
such
 as the National
Museum
 always gain supporting cash from the government annually.
Hence
, they can use that money to develop or repair any parts they want. All in all,
although
 some
museums
 charge their participants for developing security systems or hiring staff, many of them still open freely for everyone to study and gain knowledge from their visit. In my opinion, I agree with charging for
the
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participation as we need to protect these antiques.
Besides
, some of them appear longer than our lives and have a long history, so it is important to hire someone who has tremendous knowledge to explain
about
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these things to everyone.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to provide clearer transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow.
Task Response
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well-developed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words for better cohesion.
Task Response
Consider providing specific, real-world examples to support your arguments more effectively.
Task Response
You have effectively outlined both sides of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good overview of your essay's position.
Task Response
Good use of specific examples to support your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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