IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situations?

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The contemporary issue that workers migrating to more developed nations in search of
a
Correct article usage
apply
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greener
pasture
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pastures
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 has increased significantly, which has raised a substantial concern. Many people believe
this
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 causes a series of problems,
such
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 as labor shortages,
as well as
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 the workforce being stretched thin.
However
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, the government holds the key to addressing
this
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 by implementing
years
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 of mandatory service to the home and improving the standard of living in these developing nations. Examining
this
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problem
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 and exploring possible solutions will give an insightful overview of
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 subject matter. One possible drawback is that massive immigration creates
labor
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labour
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 gaps.
Additionally
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, it
also
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 fosters poor work-life balance.
For instance
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, my other sister spends 80% of her time in the hospital since they do not have enough manpower to cover all the shifts. Clearly, these challenges arise because of the massive relocation of skilled workers overseas. To tackle
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problem
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 effectively, the authority should enforce obligatory
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 of service before individuals are free to relocate abroad.
Furthermore
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, another effective solution will be to take a proactive approach to improve the welfare of the developing country.
For example
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, Nigeria implemented laws that mandate nurses to have five
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 of Nigerian work experience before being eligible for relocation. Obviously, only these solutions can salvage the issue.
Hence
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, the government ought to implement them immediately. In conclusion, the
problem
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 created by the excessive migration of individuals from developing countries to developed ones has prompted considerable concern.
Such
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 issues,
such
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 as poor work-life balance and workforce shortages.
Nonetheless
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, they can take proactive action to proffer possible solutions like implementing
years
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 of mandatory service,
as well as
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 creating a better enabling society would tackle
this
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problem
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.

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Task Achievement
Ensure your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. This includes discussing both the problems and the solutions distinctly. Try to give equal emphasis to each part of the question to fully respond to the prompt.
Task Achievement
Provide specific, detailed examples to support your arguments. Your essay mentions general scenarios but lacks detailed, illustrative examples that can strengthen your points and make them more compelling.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on creating a more clear and logical structure. Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point or idea. Use transition words to guide the reader through your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, summarizing your main points effectively. The reader should have a good understanding of your essay's structure and argument from these sections.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider revising for grammatical accuracy and clarity. While the piece communicates your ideas, some sentences could be structured more clearly for better reader comprehension.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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