IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #touch #news #events
Social
media
 has become an integral part of modern life, with millions of people worldwide using it on a daily basis to stay connected with friends and family,
as well as
 to stay informed about current events.
While
 social
media
 undoubtedly has its benefits,
such
 as the ability to connect with others across the world and to quickly disseminate information, there are
also
 some potential drawbacks to consider. One of the most significant benefits of social
media
 is its ability to connect people from all over the world. Social
media
 platforms
such
 as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram allow users to easily communicate with others, regardless of geographic location.
This
 can be particularly beneficial for individuals who have friends or family members who live far away, as social
media
 can help them stay in touch and maintain relationships that might
otherwise
 be difficult to maintain. Another advantage of social
media
 is its ability to quickly disseminate information. With the rise of citizen journalism and user-generated content, social
media
 has become an important source of news and information for many people.
This
 is particularly true in countries where traditional
media
 outlets are tightly controlled or censored. Social
media
 can
also
 be a valuable tool for activists and social justice movements, as it allows them to quickly organize and mobilize supporters. Despite these benefits, there are
also
 some potential drawbacks to social
media
 that should be considered. One of the most significant is the potential for cyberbullying and harassment. Because social
media
 allows users to communicate anonymously, it can be a breeding ground for online harassment and abuse.
This
 can be particularly harmful for vulnerable individuals
such
 as children, teens, and marginalized communities. Another potential drawback of social
media
 is its impact on mental health. Studies have shown that excessive social
media
 use can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and loneliness.
This
 is because social
media
 can create unrealistic expectations and foster feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion
Try to directly state whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in your conclusion to provide a clear stance on the topic. This will strengthen your argument and give a more decisive closure to your essay.
Coherence
Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and show a clear progression between them. This will enhance the overall flow of your essay.
Supporting Examples
Incorporating specific examples or data to support your points can make your argument more convincing and engaging. Try to include at least one detailed example for each main advantage or disadvantage discussed.
Balanced Discussion
You effectively outlined both the advantages and disadvantages of social media, which shows a balanced consideration of the topic.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are well structured, providing a good framework for your essay.
Paragraph Organization
The use of clear, topical sentences at the beginning of each paragraph effectively guides the reader through your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • facilitate
  • geographically separated
  • fostering
  • connectivity
  • instant communication
  • real-time information
  • misinformation
  • rigorous checks and balances
  • fake news
  • addictive nature
  • detract
  • face-to-face interactions
  • mental health
  • awareness of limitations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: