IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

1.Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
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However
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, few individuals rely on
parents
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 to instil
values
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the values
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 of being a decent member of society in their kids.
Whereas
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, some believe that teachers play a vital role in doing
this
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.
However
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, In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and state my opinion on the latter view. There is no doubt that
schools
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also
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 play an important role in establishing the careers of the little ones
while
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 teaching them to be more independent.
However
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, I believe in the saying that '
parents
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 are the child’s first teacher'. But sometimes,
schools
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 don’t always give
children
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 the hundred per cent focus they need to have.
For example
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, there are many
schools
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 that are not privately operated and are
cost effective
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cost-effective
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, in these
schools
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 not every child is given proper attention, and sometimes,
children
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 get bullied but there is no one to hear their worries.
Additionally
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, the School's teaching system is weighed on how costly
schools
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 are, the more high-rated
schools
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 are, the better they are at teaching
children
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. Not every youngster deserves a high-rated school.
Therefore
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,
this
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 lacks the confidence of
children
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, as they are not taught proper leadership skills. I believe that
parents
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 play a very crucial role in building a solid foundation in a child’s developmental stage. Nurture starts from home, and
this
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 is where
parents
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 need to guide their
children
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 to be
a
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apply
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better people in society.
For instance
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, studies have revealed that bad parenting, and using violent language or actions in front of the child has made those
children
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also
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 do the same with other
children
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 and bully their classmates by following the footsteps of their
parents
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.
Nevertheless
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, it is very important for
parents
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 to be careful of their actions and the words they use in front of their young ones, as based on psychological studies, kids grasp what is happening around them very quickly and practice it on others. In conclusion,
although
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 sending
children
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 to school is one way of making them a better citizen in the future, I firmly believe domestic upbringing is the main key to moulding a child's behaviour and making them a mannered person to serve their country in the future.
Submitted by khadiii60 on

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Task Response
Make sure to directly address the topic in your introduction for a clearer standpoint. Also, explicitly stating your opinion at the beginning can make your argument more powerful.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and improve paragraph transitions.
Supporting Details
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. These examples can come from real-life experiences, studies, or hypothetical scenarios to make your points more convincing.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing the argument made throughout the essay.
Structure
The structure of your essay, with distinct paragraphs for each view and your opinion, helps in clearly delivering your message.
Content Understanding
You've effectively incorporated relevant discussions about the importance of parenting and schooling, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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